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January 25, 2008



uhm...this is gonna sound weird since you don't know me at all, and i've just been lurking, lurking, lurking...

but i'd like to give you a great big smoochie kiss for this. = )

great post!


So last night I was watching one of Cole's murder mystery shows and they thought maybe the mother killed the teenaged daughter, because daughter had just survived a car accident and would NEVER WALK AGAIN! Over and over people kept positing that this was a life NOT WORTH LIVING.

No wonder the idiots are so hard to extinguish with PR like that.


hey lisa, you should direct Dan Wilkins at The Nth Degree to this post. I bet he could make several catchy t-shirts out of it. He has a fun sens of humor and makes all kinds of disability culture and empowerment shirts. and he's a quad. :)

Wow, someone sure pist you off, remind me again, why should you care??? Cause it sure isn't worth any of your time or energy. Sven


Hmmmm....Sven. I know who you are. You give yourself away not so much by the name but by the way you spell pist.

I'll tell you later why this pissed me off especially today. It wasn't the random usual well-intentioned but unenlightened person saying this stuff, it was someone who should know better and who kinda wouldn't let it go.

I'm sorry. I think I fell asleep really early and missed your call.

vanessa steck

I love your blog because it always makes me think. Thanks.


You always amaze me with what a great, thoughtful mother you are. A mother of TWINS. I know it's not winning the Nobel prize, but you're a model I use when making parenting decisions myself.

Uh, it occurs to me this has nothing to do with your post, but I've been meaning to say that for a while.


Yeah so many times when I say I am legally blind I get the reply that they will fix that someday.
Oh joy I feel maybe I should go hide in a closet until then.
I have so many similar experiences it is nice to know I am not alone.
I have thought of starting a stupid list of things people say and do.
I don't write about it too often but your writing helps comfort


I have to admit that I do think of you as remarkable, amazing, inspiring... because you are raising twins and you can still form complete sentences. I only have one four month old baby and I can barely cope with him! You have two, and you've been doing it for three years! It boggles the mind.


Yeah, I admire you too. I don't think it's for any icky reasons. But you're tenacious, and I really admire that in people. (I think I am tenacious too, and it's a thing I like about myself.)

I'd take a cure for RA. Although it has given me some good things, I'd love to be able to take long walks again and have more stamina. I would not, however, take a cure until it had been around for awhile and shown not to kill people. I'm not that desperate. So, I guess my main point is the same as yours, I'm also fine the way things are.

Debbie in the UK

Oh are fucking amazing and I **heart** you!!!



I started working in a group home a few months ago with three awesome guys--one with a wicked sense of humor, one who's just like a grumpy old man at 22, and one who is really, honestly the salt of the earth--and sometime in the first month stopped feeling sorry for them. I didn't realize I had been feeling sorry for them until I stopped. Now they just ARE. Yeah, they need help with hygiene and with making healthy choices. But they are members of my community, and in a way that transcends our staff person/client relationship, they are part of my family. I get just as much from them as they get from me, maybe more. Especially that last guy...I swear there's more energy in one of his hugs than those of anyone I know (and NOT because he's SPECIALLY BLESSED as a disabled person, but because he's just amazing as a human being). One night I was sitting with said guy as he was getting ready to sleep. He's really social and hates to be alone, and he was having a hard time when he first moved into his new house sleeping all night. As I was sitting with him I said to him, even though I'm pretty sure he couldn't understand me, "X, I like you exactly the way you are. They only reason I'd wish you weren't disabled [he has the mental age of 18 months] is so that you could have a wife to put your arms around and talk with until dawn." I guess I realized then that he was just him, X, and it was about me projecting what I thought he needed based on what I feel I need in my life.
I am so sorry this is so long. It was just to say that I am starting to get it, I am learning. Thank you for being here and writing.


Lisa- that was such an inspiring post...ok just being sarcastic here. Seriously - well said. I don't love your blog because of your disability I love it because you are so damn smart and have given so much good information here that helps me practically and mentally all the time. So I think it's your ability - being so smart and a great writer and so open that is the draw for me.

Well said. I hate the pity party crap too. I am not disabled but because Ellie is, we become "other" by default and our lives are "forever compromised, oh how sad, blah blah blah" I sooo hate that BS and you are so right it's just a petty way for those around me to put themselves above me so that they feel better about their sorry selves. In a way I think that Ellie's disability has separated the wheat from the shaft in terms of friendship. So great post!


I HATE pity! You said it well. When people bring up my arthritis, they always say stuff they think is supposed to make me feel better ie. "I have arthritis in my elbow; my legs hurts" etc. Don't do this.


Well, I think ANYONE who is raising twins is remarkable, whether they have their full facilities or not.

You do not SOUND disabled! And you are truly lovely to look at.


David McDonald

I just read this from the Disability Carnival. It demonstrates just how much further society needs to go in recognizing ALL people as being ok exactly as we are.


This is an excellent, thought-provoking post. I love what you want on your T-shirt. More than this, your words on pity and inspiration are perfect! I have tried several times recently to articulate "the pity/inspiration paradigm" as you put it to my extreme frustration--you hit the nail right on the head.

Deaf Mom

Lisa, this post absolutely rocks! :)

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