September 2008

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
  1 2 3 4 5 6
7 8 9 10 11 12 13
14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27
28 29 30        
My Photo

Sponsors

  • Google

Kids' Current Favorites...

My Homeschool Log Blog

« Blind Hindu African-Croatian Transgendered SCUBA-diving Quadriplegic Nudist Adoptees Awareness Day | Main | About Us »

August 13, 2007

Comments

cherylc

I think you do an amazing job. It sounds insanely hard. And I think D. needs to really work on his truth telling. I'm sure he feels like he's between a rock and a hard place, and he developed that habit of telling people what they want to hear as a survival skill, but it's really not good, and not so effective in the long run. It must drive you crazy.

ldrnmom

WOW...you sure have your hands full.D sounds very manipulative and controlling of your life in some ways.Your kind heart and acceptance of his disability seem to be weighing more heavily than time for yourself or time needed for your sons.Maybe you need to let D "free" for a bit...more strict limit-setting in terms of time lines he sets, etc. Your babies need you and D probably isn't going to change with his lack of honesty.You don't want to look back some years down the road and see that the babies didn't get the best of you because D did. D is an adult and needs to be responsible for his care,schedule,etc. Regardless of the fact that parenting is hard and I am sure even harder when you are esentially doing it on your own, the babies did not ask to be born and if D can't get his act together, then why should the babies get the leftovers of you? D needs to grow up and quit taking advantage of you and your kindness. Regardless of his injury and limitations, he needs to quit exhausting you and running you ragged and you need to stick up for yourself and you sons. You are already compromised with your renal situation...you don't want your health affected by him...you have two sons to raise and it doesn't sound like D really cares about anyone except himself. I don't even know him or you, but he is on THIN ICE in my book. Be strong, pray for strength and know that those boys need you and given the chance, D will take you right down with him. Misery loves company...you are stronger than that and he'll never change.

ldrnmom

WOW...you sure have your hands full.D sounds very manipulative and controlling of your life in some ways.Your kind heart and acceptance of his disability seem to be weighing more heavily than time for yourself or time needed for your sons.Maybe you need to let D "free" for a bit...more strict limit-setting in terms of time lines he sets, etc. Your babies need you and D probably isn't going to change with his lack of honesty.You don't want to look back some years down the road and see that the babies didn't get the best of you because D did. D is an adult and needs to be responsible for his care,schedule,etc. Regardless of the fact that parenting is hard and I am sure even harder when you are esentially doing it on your own, the babies did not ask to be born and if D can't get his act together, then why should the babies get the leftovers of you? D needs to grow up and quit taking advantage of you and your kindness. Regardless of his injury and limitations, he needs to quit exhausting you and running you ragged and you need to stick up for yourself and you sons. You are already compromised with your renal situation...you don't want your health affected by him...you have two sons to raise and it doesn't sound like D really cares about anyone except himself. I don't even know him or you, but he is on THIN ICE in my book. Be strong, pray for strength and know that those boys need you and given the chance, D will take you right down with him. Misery loves company...you are stronger than that and he'll never change.

cherylc

I was actually feeling bad that I left such a strongly worded comment about D. I know he's your partner and you enjoy his company, and he's not a bad person. In fact, he sounds very likable, and like he cares about his kids. So, I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. He just sounds like he wants to please everyone, which rarely works out well.

I think, too, about how complicated power can be my relationship, where I am the one with the disability. How frustrating it is to try to get my husband to do physical tasks that I want him to do but he doesn't. (Paint the kitchen.) For some reason, he doesn't want to do whatever I want him to do! And in your case, it's probably even more complicated because you work as D's attendant. But that doesn't mean things are bad, just that it's more complicated.

Lisa

Cherylc:

Thank you for your comments. I actually kind of laughed at the first one...he's on thin ice with me, too! But it did also make me think that I need to write another more balanced post about our relationship. It is complicated for many reasons, and cannot be summed up by using the "well, he's an asshole" excuse. So thank you for recognizing that.

I have not had time to write that post, but I will try to do so, soon.

Laura in L.A.

Lisa, you are a wonderful, nurturing and involved mother. You are thoughtful and deliberate in all aspects of your parenting, and your boys will only benefit. I just hope you take the time to take better care of yourself, and get more rest. Your boys need you healthy!

Shannon

I hear you! I feel pretty crappy as a parent since Selina came home and I have tons more help than you, but I still identify with your 11-12 hours serving others without sitting down. I forget to eat meals and lose weight and feel faint and wonder what's wrong.

I have heard that about preemies too. Nat is at the tail end of normal for gross motor stuff, though I think she's within range of normal. She can jump and she loves to dance, but she is still very cautious and slow and unsteady about walking through changing terrain, going up and down stairs, etc. I expect Selina will be similar as she was (I think) a bit earlier than Nat.

But for what it's worth I'm in awe that you get out of bed in the morning and make it through the day. I can't imagine having my two mostly all by myself day in, day out, let alone actual twins, plus other dependents of either the emotional (dad) or physical (D) kind. And pets.

You are fabulous and your kids are soooooo lucky to have you for a mom and someday they are going to realize this and tell you in so many words.

Meanwhile hang in there.

The comments to this entry are closed.