Lots of posts here lately. Tonight I'm feeling the need to blow off laundry and instead write some sort of counter-agent to all the bitchin' and moanin' I've been doing for the last week or so. This, of course, has to include pictures of cute kids. My little stars, they still twinkle.
I said I was going to have D take some pics of us with the KUV, and lacking phone power today, I was not able to connect with him for that purpose. But we went walking anyway, and I took pictures.
I really like walking with this thing outside on walks, although because of its size, it is not ideal for every indoor/shopping/bus situation. However, despite the fact that I seem to be using new muscles in my back I must have not used for a while, it is a smooth ride that can handle a lot of terrain and grade changes. I have noticed that I am willing to go on more unfamiliar walking routes with it, because I don't have to concentrate so hard on the orientation and mobility (blindspeak for getting around) aspect of it. I tend to have routes where I know every bump in the sidewalk that is coming up. With the ease in which I can travel out front with the kids directly behind me in this thing, I am more inclined to go to unfamiliar places.
Also, this thing is really one of the key elements that I needed to push me out of ambivalence about getting another guide dog. I was pretty sure I wanted to before, and probably really needed to, but the thought of handling the dog and two kids was quite overwhelming. People think guide dogs are well behaved machines. In truth, guide dogs--especially young ones--are just like having another toddler. You really have to stay on top of them. It really will be like having triplets. Only one I get to leash! (And the other two get to be stapled in the wagon.) So I think it will be manageable.
I'm getting pretty psyched about the whole guide dog thing. Besides the KUV, they are building a new dog park close to me. It isn't walking distance, but it is an easy bus ride. Some of my favorite memories with Mara were taking her to dog hangouts and the little cult of dog people you get to know there. Also, I've been taking every opportunity to go up to my neighbors with big dogs and ask them if the kids can spend time with their dog. The kids really like the big dogs and are not scared of them. And for me, just visiting them brings me warm, fuzzy feelings of Mara. I spent nearly 24 hours a day with Mara for 11 years. Besides my kids, I don't think I've had a closer bond with anyone else, human, animal, or mineral. I'm looking forward to having a dog in the house for safety reasons as well. These past couple of years have been the only years I have lived alone without pets in ages. When you are deaf, it is really hard to live alone and not be sure what you are hearing all the time. Especially when I have to be responsible for the kids as well. Having a dog in the house just gives you so much input on what is going on in the environment. If you think you hear something, but the dog is still sleeping, you can relax. I'm also looking forward to the dog being able to identify me as disabled. I lost part of that identity without her and it makes it so hard for people to understand and remember that I really can't hear them or see them. The guide dog is such a huge cue to people that it is way easier to get help in restaurants, the bus stops, wherever.
One of the best things that I'm looking forward to now that I most certainly wasn't before is going to guide dog school to get the dog. This is still very tentative, but here is the plan: I'll be going to the local school (a bit over an hour away) next July for probably about three weeks. Shannon and Nat (yes, that Shannon) have so very graciously volunteered to come take care of the boys for me. I can't wait for the boys to meet Nat and get to play with her! After I'm done, we are hoping that Cole can come and also some friends from Seattle and all of us spend some time at the coast together. ALSO! And extra bonus if we are lucky and can pull this off. Nik is going to try and also get in the same class with me. Nik and I met in '93 when we both got our first guide dogs in New York. Mara died in '04 and his dog, Jats, died in '05. And we've both been sort of tentatively waiting for each other to be in a position to get another dog so we could do it together again. If he can come keep me company through the monotony that is guide dog training and then I have a coast trip with the Shannon clan (and maybe Nik can come, too!), then--hey, I have lots to look forwards to and maybe guide dog school won't be so bad after all. I'm hoping my dad and I can drive out to the school this summer and check it out. But I'm already in the application process and they know my time line, so I think we are in good shape.
But it will be good for me to practice my cane skills with the kids and work out my back muscles with driving this kid wagon thing to get ready. Today we went for a walk to another neighborhood across the road from me. We went to a different playground because I'm tired of ours. I was thinking about "sacred moments."
The potluck thing I missed the other night was with my church's "family" group. We are 5 families with small children and we meet once a month and discuss a topic and eat food. The topic was "sacred moments." Since I wasn't there, I'm not sure what direction they went with that, but I was just thinking today how kids keep you so much in the present moment. Sure, sometimes the present moment just can't pass fast enough so you can get to naptime, But anything where you can stay in the moment and live it without being haunted by the past or worried for the future is, in and of itself, a sacred moment. I've had these moments when ice skating, when writing, when talking with friends, when, in my younger days, I went riding on the back of motorcycles wrapped around some hot guy. Sometimes they only last a split second because it is so hard to stay in the moment. Even when they are sad moments, like when you are with someone when they die, if you can stay in the present moment, it seems to be sacred to me. Maybe because I have such a hard time doing it. But kids really help you with this because they live there all the time. It is as if time is suspended all around you and it is just you and them and whatever fascinating thing they've discovered today like a new leaf or a wild flower or a padlocked old shed.
Today (despite Vonage) was a pretty good day.
Those boys are so, so cute. The KUV looks great!
Posted by: snickollet | June 12, 2007 at 06:53 AM
what beautiful children!
Posted by: Janice | June 12, 2007 at 07:24 AM
Living in the moment is so important. I am glad you enjoyed your little ones today. Good luck on getting a new guide dog. They really do help with feeling safe.
Posted by: Angela | June 12, 2007 at 11:40 AM
I read you post but the pictures are a huge distraction because all I could think of is how cute your kids are.
Posted by: That Girl | June 14, 2007 at 10:08 PM