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January 25, 2007



Wow. I admire how open you are and how you are able to continuously write without abandon. You don't deserve all this crap from your in-laws.

While I cannot say that I experience the same things as you did with my family, I can say that I understand your feelings: your anger and your frustrations. My father's family has never really been a part of my life. Growing up, I saw his parents and sisters and their families maybe once a year. Then they all moved to the same state where I am. The pattern continues: I see them once a year and they are only a few miles from me. It does not make sense to me at all.

My father expects me to drop by their houses, make efforts to get together with them and all that jazz. Yet they NEVER include me in anything they have planned. While I was pregnant, I decided to make a last-ditch attempt to get the family together by hosting a family reunion at my house. What did they do? They talked amongst themselves, leaving me and my husband out. I honestly think it's the "Deaf" card. It should not be like that but it is. Ever since that failed family reunion, I have decided to let them go. I decided that I will not do more than is needed for them. Every year I send them Christmas cards and just about every month, I sent them emails reminding them to check my blog for updates.

In the end, I think my decision to "let go" is best for my son because I don't want him to grow up being exposed (too much) to ignorant people like my father's family. I don't want him to learn how to treat people like they do. Instead, I will just focus on connecting with my mother and step-dad both of who will be moving in my state very soon and connecting with friends who are really more like my family. Blood is definitely not thicker than water.

Here's to forgiveness (gah, that's a tough pill for me to swallow) and letting go. Cheers.


(Hi. I'm sort of a lurker. And here is what I want to say:)

Goodness. The things some people do. I know they don't mean to do them, and I know they don't know what they're doing, usually, but that doesn't exactly make it better in my book. They just shouldn't have done all this. It was just plain wrong.

I know that doesn't sound very helpful, especially when it is forgiveness we are discussing, but it might just actually be. It always helps me (and I've been through some things myself -- though I have to say my MIL adores me) when someone has done me wrong to have someone else say 'well, that sure wasn't very nice /responsible /grown-up'. Then I can really say 'no, it wasn't, and that's why I feel so bad about it'. And then I can get over it.

In theory I shouldn't need anyone to validate my feelings but never mind. Even I can't be perfect all the time ;)

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