Despite my many minor bodily injuries (sprained wrist--much improved. Broken pinky toe--hurts an annoying amount--don't ask) D and I and Naim and Aaron had a very nice and quiet Thanksgiving.
D got out of the hospital about two weeks ago. I remember saying to him in the summer when all this seemed never ending that by his birthday on November 10th, this could be over. He got out just a few days before his birthday. My dad was here and babysat while we went out to celebrate. I had some 8x10s of the kids framed and matted and hung them in his apartment and also returned the cats to him to greet him when he got home. He does not have a new wheelchair yet, but it is approved, ordered and on its way. It should be here sometime in early December. His body is intact. His skin integrity is intact. He has a skin graft wound from the surgery on his thigh that is still working on healing and he is still working his way up to more and more time out of bed, but things look good so far. I am guardedly optimistic. The only bad thing was that we lost Rachel, our attendant during the long hospitalization. She had many personal problems and money problems although she did a nice job for us. I tried to give her some work and money babysitting for me while he was hospitalized, but I did not have a lot of money to give her, either. She went completely MIA and disappeared. She said she wanted to come back and we've tried everything to find her, but have come to the conclusion that we need to give up and find someone new once again. Such is the nature of attendant work.
But we obviously had a lot to be thankful for. Our thanksgiving was low-key, but I did cook. D picked the menu. He wanted turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole and apple pie. I was fine with everything but the green bean casserole. I hate the things. Mostly I don't think anything resembling Funions should be next to real vegetables. So we compromised and I made a green bean casserole type thing with a cheese and bread crumb topping type deal. (Because apparently "it has to be crunchy..."). So that turned out pretty good. He also wanted me to make way too much food so that he could have lots of leftovers. That is a requirement for Thanksgiving in his world. Not too difficult when I am only feeding 2 adults and 2 toddlers. I could care less what we ate because my family rarely did the whole turkey thing. We'd go out or eat something like Lasagna, which was fine with me. So I complied and cooked for a whole afternoon while he watched the kids. I very rarely do this, but we finally had to put the kids in front of "Blue's Clues" so I could finish up. TV is like total crack for kids. It's scary. And very tempting to use it more than I should, but I think I've been very good about not plopping them in front of the TV gratuitously in lieu of a babysitter.
Aaron couching in front of the TV (while holding a bowl for some reason.) He learned this from my dad.
My house is still not very equipped for company. I have no serving dishes, I have four chairs. I have four plates. I have two wine glasses (well, one now since D broke one) and a complete miss match of crappy cups. My dining room table is screwed beyond belief in that all the finish has worn off and everything sticks to it. We have two highchairs and a stained rug underneath. When the kids get older, I might try to hit my dad up for a bit of a redecoration of this space. I know it bugs him too, especially since the actual room itself is quite pretty...or could be. But I am still self-conscious about inviting people over for dinner. But as we were eating, we thought that we really should have. We could have hosted one or two people at least. And we do have some "poor-er" friends as well who we know wouldn't get into the presentation of it so much. For years I have invited my old figure skating buddy, J, to things like Thanksgiving and Christmas because he has no local family in town. And also because he would be a good dinner guest--polite, doesn't drink too much, good conversationalist, etc. But every year he thinks about it and turns me down eventually. I don't see him often anymore. Every once in a while my Jaydar acts up and I feel the need to contact him, but this year I sort of ignored my Jaydar. For no other reason than that I've been distracted by other things. So I totally didn't think about inviting him this year. And D has a friend, Jason, and his wife who we could have invited. They have a couple of kids a bit older than ours so that would have been fun. But they might have had family obligations. Next year, I hope we get more organized a bit earlier. And like maybe no one will be in the hospital and stuff.
The spread. Ninety nine point nine percent organic. Herb stuffed turkey breast, garlic mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, stuffing, gravy, apple pie, fresh bakery rolls, and of course, green bean casserole.
On Friday, D told me that his mom and dad only had one son over and didn't cook much. Our SIL went to her family in Seattle and Q and his girlfriend had to work. Maybe they had a nice time anyway and I'm uneccessarily projecting here. But I felt bad because D's mom seemed to always like cooking so much and lately she has been too ill to cook. I don't know that she has anything specific or that she just is tired and has aches and pains. She always seemed to take a lot of pride in her cooking so it seems like she must really feel rotten not to cook. I think she is a good cook. I really like some of the things she makes like her apple pies and her apricot stars she makes at Christmas. Some of her other cooking isn't my style, although I'm sure it is good for what it is. I call it "F Street Diner" cooking. F Street Diner was a little shack in Lincoln, Nebraska that I would go eat at once every few months or so. I'd have some kind of big, greasy, gravy laden comfort food concoction there. But if I ate like that everyday I'm sure my heart would explode and I'd become diabetic in about six weeks time. Lots of animal fat and meat drippin's in those meals. I cook with much lighter sauces and very lean meats. She used to crack D and I up because at these family gatherings they had this idea that I totally couldn't cook (not like I ever acted like a big fan of cooking...but I can cook well enough). They'd always ask us to bring "the rolls" or "the wine" or "the salad." I wasn't tight enough in the woman's clique to bring anything like an actual side dish or anything that required any skill besides going to the grocery store. And then sometimes I would bring the rolls or the salad or the desert or whatever and she would already have made her own version of the exact same thing...like as backup or something. Used to crack me and D up. And then after awhile, I dutifully fell in line like all her other kids and fulfilled her prophecy of failure for me to accomplish anything right and did actually start forgetting to bring the rolls or the wine. Sometimes I wondered if it was worth trekking my ass to the store if she was already going to have it anyway. But that was my own deal.
Anyway, all this is to say that I felt like I should have invited her and D's father to my house. I was so focused on the fact that we I wasn't invited to their house that I completely spaced the option of inviting them here. I asked D if he thought they would have came and he said that he highly doubted it and that my invitation probably would have been turned into something bad. But I thought maybe I should have anyway, even if I knew they would say no. Because at least then they would have known that they are welcome in this house, and sometimes just knowing that is better than nothing. And it also seems like if I don't make an effort then I am complicit in this stupidity, even if I don't and have never really had a problem talking with/being in her presence. I don't think I can or should do Christmas because then it implies that they have to buy presents for us, and I don't want it to seem like that's all I want. So, maybe the kids' birthday or next year? We'll see. I'd probably just be wasting my breath. But I don't care really. I have plenty of breath to spare anyway.
I also was thinking about all this because I've been reading a bunch of blogs about Thanksgiving and reading about a lot of other people's really fucked up relationships with their in-laws. People who don't eat their relatives' food or set foot in their houses because they don't approve of silly little lifestyle choices. And I think, gee, I can't control her...but I'm not that bad. I don't think she and I will ever be close, but I don't have any problem eating her food or being in the same room with her. I can always at least be cordial.
But, as for us, we had a nice Thanksgiving ourselves. The turkey breast I made was a tad on the dry side but other than that it was all good. The kids ate like a green bean a piece and half a dinner roll. But that is pretty typical for them some nights when the food is even a little bit unfamiliar to them. I don't sweat their pickiness right now. I just let it go but try to get at least a few foods in there a day that I know are guaranteed winners. Naim is funny. He will stuff his mouth full and store it there for four hours and then when I've totally forgotten about it he takes my hand and spits the mushed up contents of whatever is left in his mouth in it. Lovely.
They have been seeing D almost daily this last week and are starting to ask for him and point to the garage door where he always comes in. I have finally been able to leave them with him for like an hour at a time while I go upstairs or something, which is nice. They've both started to count everything up to five. We counted all of our toes (Aaron's, Naim's and mine) and discovered that we all have five fingers and five toes. Then we had to count the two cat's fingers and toes. It was quite a revelation to find that the cats only have four toes on each foot. Then they went to count D's toes and I think for the first time they realized that D only has one foot. It kind of blew Naim's mind. "Where Toes Go?" he said. And looked all around D's wheelchair. They are getting to be really funny.
Naim counting toes.
Naim doing elbow and knee inventory.
Aaron with D and the top of Naim's head.
We need to take things slowly in getting back on our feet so we have no missteps that lead us down a long, exhausting path that we've been on the past year. But D is resting and taking care of his health and has started doing a bit of software sales again. I've started back to work and we need to start looking for a new attendant now. Hopefully one that will be willing to help D care for the kids on occasion so I can go and, say, get a hair cut or something someday. But, despite Twisty's very truthful and entertaining rant about Thanksgiving, our Thanksgiving was not about gender apartheid or over-consumption or Native American genocide or mythical puritan pilgrims. This Thanksgiving was just for us. For D and I and the kids. That we still manage to have enough food on the table for leftovers. Enough housing over our heads to complain about decor. Enough health to go back to work a bit. Enough relatives to complain about and feel compassion for. And enough rambunctious children running around to drive us nuts.
We tried to get a good picture of me and the kids together but Naim kept goofing off and putting one of D's hats on my head.
Naim continues to look cute and goof off while I look really fat and slouchy in the background. (All that food, you know?)
Hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving!
Adorable pix! I really think Tolstoy had it right about families being uniquely unhappy... I think it was Tolstoy. I'm too lazy to look it up.
Posted by: art-sweet | November 25, 2006 at 06:54 AM
The twins are so cut and glad you all got to be together! You probably already know about it, but just in case you don't, Craigs List.
www.craigslist.com
That is where I have had the best luck with finding nurses for Ellie. In fact it has been the only place I have any luck. You can post for free. Each time I do I get at least 10-15 calls back.
Posted by: Kathryn | November 25, 2006 at 09:04 AM