Things That Are Good

Lest you dear readers think all I can write is maudlin bleckity-bleck about my families...or lack thereof, as it were, whatever the case may be, or whatever, I thought I would let you know that I can still manage an Oprah-fied Gratitude Journal type entry on occasion. So here are some tidbits.

I've been trying to figure out how to join a CSA, organic coop, locally grown farm thingy of some kind. The problem has been how to get my haul back to the compound here via...the BUS? Picture it: Me, two one-year olds, a stroller, a cane, a diaper bag, and a bin full of produce dragging ourselves up the bus stairs in about four trips as passengers glance at their watches and glare. Well, lo and behold, I found one about six months ago that would deliver to me. The only problem was, I only wanted to purchase half a share and to do that I had to be on a waiting list and be paired up with someone to take the other half share. So, finally a couple of weeks ago, they called me up and said they can deliver me a half share. But they want to do a whole bin every two weeks rather than a half bin every week. Okay. That will take some mad planning on my part to utilize all those veggies and fruits, but I can do it.

So, we got fresh carrots and apples and potatoes and cucumbers and tomatoes and blueberries and cantaloupe and corn and Oh My is it good. You forget that you loose about 75% of the taste of produce when you buy from the grocery and it has been sitting there for however long. My kids are eating plums and cherries and blueberries and steamed carrots and zucchini at every meal. So I'm happy. And now that I'm "in" the coop, I won't have to be wait listed again next year. They will go ahead and let me do half a share again. It's actually cheaper than grocery shopping produce in the long run. And the kids will get more fresh stuff to eat. They will also bring me milk, eggs, and cheese for additional cost. Those are kind of pricey, but it's nice to know because I'm always running out of whole milk for the kids.

The next good thing is a big announcement. I didn't know exactly when to announce this because it happened so gradually it was almost kind of anti-climatic. But.......Aaron is now WALKING! At almost 20 months he has officially crossed the threshold to walking the vast majority of the time over his funny crab crawl. He is still pretty wobbly, but he definitely has decided to become a bi-ped. The next challenge for him is to get him to walk with me in public by holding my hand. Naim will do it. Aaron goes noodle-y when I try to walk with him outside or in a store.

Another good thing may seem like a bad thing at first, but I've decided it is not. D is back on bed rest in preparation for an upcoming skin graft surgery in possibly three to four weeks. The good thing is that we are now so much better prepared for him to stay at home and be on bed rest rather than going to the nursing home like we resorted to last January. (Which is very good of us, because he is out of short-term nursing home days. If he goes in the nursing home anytime now before the next calender year, it will be long-term and I'd have to have a delta force type strategy to break him out.) He has Rachel in the morning, an in-home nurse or CNA most afternoons, and me in the evenings and sometimes his dad as well. Then night time by himself. Weekends are a little bit of a vacancy still, but his dad and maybe some other creativity will probably close that gap. He still has a few hours in between during the day to be rid of people and rest, something he never had in the nursing home. So, it seems to be working well so far. Another possible good thing is that at home he can continue to work on his equipment issues, whereas when he goes into the nursing home, he automatically is disqualified for certain things and qualified for others. So then any work that he's done gets eliminated. Then he has to start all over again after he gets out, then deadlines pass and he is back in the hospital and he gets disqualified again and its a vicious cycle. Now, it looks like not only will he be able to stay at home and continue, but when he has the surgery and does the six or so weeks of bed rest after that to recover, they (seem to) have agreed to let him do the majority of it in the Rehab hospital, so we're thinking he will be able to continue with getting the equipment.

How long does it take one quadriplegic to change a light bulb get a new wheelchair? Oh, it is about equivalent to the amount of time it would take his paperwork to be personally handed to every single CPA/actuary type person who works for health insurance companies in the country to look at it and say, "Tilt-in-space? What is that? The doctor says it might save his life, not to mention hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical expenses. But it is $2,000 and I've never heard of no thingy called a 'tilt in space' that could be worth that much money. DENIED!" About that long.

Which reminds me of a funny. Once D and I were talking to his brother about D's need for a certain kind of bed that he was (and still is) working on getting. D's brother said, "Where do we get this bed? I can get the truck and haul it here tomorrow!" Like we could just pick it up at Sleep Country USA. D and I just cracked up laughing. Not at D's brother--he didn't know--but just the thought of going into a regular store and being able to come out with something you actually need to help save your life. Stores are for crap you can instantly buy that you don't need, silly.

But it is good news that we have a little, itty bitty bit of hope that we can get through the next couple of months and possibly be done with this crap. We have a plan, which is better than the sitting around and hoping for D's body to actually do something crazy like heal itself. So, here is hoping that there might be a day when D can venture out into the outside world without open, gaping hull breeches all over his body.

Speaking of fatherhood--okay, well we are now, anyway. Here is another good thing. Today I took the kids to the children's museum. Before we left, I sat down on this bench in the front of the museum next to the gift shop and fed the kids a snack before we got back on the light rail to go home. This man sat next to me, alone, at a children's museum, on a weekday afternoon. Okay. My samurai awareness kicks in but I'm relaxed. A woman and a small boy who is a bit older than mine comes up to the man. She starts giving him instructions in a curt manner about the kid and says that she expects them back by five. Oh. Now I get it. Non-custodial father on visitation. So the kid starts pointing and saying something like "Memo." And the thing is, even with my hearing impairment I knew what the kid wanted. We were right next to a display of Sesame Street hand puppets. The kid kept saying "Memo" and pointing. And the guy did not have a clue about what the kid wanted or what to do with him. He looked completely uncomfortable and awkward with the kid. So I said, "All kids love Elmo!" and gestures towards the puppets in an effort to give him a clue. The father looked at me confused. So I reached up and grabbed the Elmo puppet and put it on and knelt down and played with the boy and my kids with it for a couple of minutes and then put it back. The kid was satisfied. "Oh." The father said, kind of annoyed and then took off with his kid.

That's not the good news, the good news is that it made me think of how even with D being in the hospital and/or on bed rest really the majority of the past year, and us not living together, etc...D knows his kids a hell of a lot better than that guy. D would have got that the kids wanted to see the Elmo puppet. He can understand everything they say and can spend time with them without acting like they are some form of father kryptonite. We haven't done too badly on that front, despite the challenges. Lately I've been reading some stories of women, mothers on the net who complain about their husbands who are never there or who no longer want to have sex with them or one poor woman whose husband took her to Maui and told her he never loved her and he feels trapped with the kids, so she told him to leave and then he asked her how he would be able to find a place to live and who would do his laundry and how would he take care of the kids alone etc. (Lisa knocks head into wall at women who don't think they can live alone and so settle for men who've never matured beyond the fifth grade and think they actually NEED that kind of incompetence. I'm going to start a shelter--in which I am the first sheltered, probably.) D and I have our problems, but I think we've been able to work it out so he remains close to the kids and has a good bond with them.

What else? Aaron is starting to know his letters. Especially da-da-woo and OOOoooooo. He is so into books, he is going to be one of those kids who is reading when he is three.

Naim is really, really into my mother's dog, Abbey. Abbey is a side effect of my father visiting. My father takes care of Abbey's food and water needs, but not much else. He keeps her in her cage a lot. I have felt sorry for her in the past, because I just haven't had time to give her any attention. Now, Naim is old enough to play with her and also give her attention. He does NOT like it when my father leaves her in her cage. He walks around the house and pats his leg (ASL for Dog) and says in a very forlorn voice, "DO-og!" until my father gets her out. Then Naim will play ball with her and pet her. Naim has become a better advocate for that dog than I've been able to do. He is very gentle with her and gives her air kisses. It is very cute.

My hair, which I decided to grow out approximately 8 seconds after I cut it off (it was a hair vacation more than it was a hair style), is now in the worst, most horrible craziest stage of growing out EVAH! Why is this good news? Because it can only get better from here. One or two more haircuts, and I might have something I can deal with. I'm doing the thing where I keep cutting the bottom short so the top layers can grow out and even up. Then I will worry about length. D doesn't understand this concept of why I keep cutting off the back to grow it out. I try to explain that if you have very short hair and you just let it grow, you will end up with the World's Biggest and Shaggy-est Mullet. I've enjoyed the hair vacation, though. You have to do it every ten years or so.

And last, I don't say it enough or ever maybe, but I think it all the time. I have the World's Greatest Readers and Commenters. You all send me such supportive comments and emails and sometimes I am very lousy about replying. I do read them all and I do read your sites as well and learn from you and root you on in your own lives, too. You all are very supportive and have good and thoughtful ideas and opinions. I've had a bit of hate mail here and there but in general the site remains troll-less and nutjob-less. Your contributions make it a better place to be and a better experience. So thank you to everyone who has read and commented and offered me assistance and support. It really does mean a lot.

Comments

[That Girl]

Yeah bi-ped Aaron!!!

I feel so bad for D - the most horrifying experinece of my life as a home-health aid was when one of my patient's back just started to... desinigrate is only word for it. No matter what I did or how often I did it it just got worse and worse. I know he was in pain despite the morphine.

Hair growing out = suckage. It seems like time slows, suddenly your hair doesnt grow at ALL.

Fresh fruit and veggies are great - this new place we live in the middle of white suburbia has no markets anywhere and i miss it.

[ladybug]

dear lisa,

(1) i LOVE your blog!

(2) THANK YOU so much for your blog.

i am 35, and in nursing school. i dont have any prospect, really, of anyone on the horizon that i plan to spend my life with... but i desparately want to be a MOMMY.

i have promised myself i will not pursue it until i am an RN and can afford to manage a life on my own and give my child what he or she needs... reading blogs like yours, makes me realize i CAN do this on my own. so many people poo-pooh me about being a single parent, and how it cant be done.

HUH?
yeah, whatever.
it wont be easy, but is dual-parenting easy?

i want to be a mom bad enough to tackle the challenge. my child and i will have a good life and a lot of love and laughter...

thank you so much for your stories and sharing your life with us.

PS - your boys are precious! they are lucky to have such an awesome mom and dad in you and D.

[angela]

The fresh fruit and veggies sound great. Where did you find the food? I would like to get something like that.
Children are wonderful. My son is so close to walking. It is crazy how fast they grow!

[Emmie]

Yeah, Aaron! One of my guys is still floppy when we try to walk together, but I'm pretty stubborn about it. The sooner the 3 of us can walk together, the safer they'll be and the more freedom they'll have. We've done CSA too, and loved it - I'm so jealous that you get fruit in yours! Maybe you should start vermicomposting and drive your Dad right out of the house for a while.. Glad you're making plans and feeling a little hopeful.