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June 07, 2006



I am always surprised when you write about the reactions you get from other people. My general attitude toward people with disabilities is that I assume they can do whatever, unless they tell me otherwise. I'll admit to being curious about HOW they do things sometimes--whether they use technology that I'm not aware of or whether they have devised some method through their own creativity. I will also occasionally say something like, "Can I help you with that?" but I try to only do this if it clearly appears that the person I am asking is facing some obstacle I can easily assist with, or it is a situation in which I would ask anyone if I could help. It would NEVER occur to me to think that your children might be dirty or in mismatched because you're disabled! My default thinking is that you have a way to do what you need to do, I just might not be aware of it. I am appalled that people think some people can't parent appropriately because they're disabled. I DO think, however, that often people and children with disabilities aren't given the services and equipment they need, and end up struggling in ways they don't really have to. For example, not having a power wheel chair. I think there will be issues you have to deal with that I, as a non-disabled person, won't have to, but that's no reason to think you won't be able to work through them.

I also wanted to say that, as a gay person, I get some of what you're saying in this post about your relief at being with "one of us" (ie, the grocery store clerk).

That Girl

Chez Miscarriage (my perosnal hero blogger) always advised having comebacks prepared for "mommy drive-bys". While I realize yours are even more rude and ablist than other moms, the princble still applies...

"Whateverwillyoudo when your children need to learn politeness?"

Lisa M

My son is deafblind. He will more than likely be wheelchair bound. I love reading your blog. It is so insightful to see how you think and what you struggle with. I appreciate your candor.


We saw two disabled dyke moms at Pride this weekend and I wanted to hang with them and be all like "hey, I know Lisa." (Since I'm CERTAIN all the disabled parents know each other, right?)

I have decided to learn to sign more for real. Nat is getting really into it lately and it seems like a good second language for her to maintain during her "language window" years.

That whole "you are selfish for wanting/having children" thing is so weird. People say that about glbts too. It's great how our stupid patriarchal culture considers women worthless unless they have children and then when there's some kind of glitch like infertility or being disabled or gay, they're shocked that we still want them and suddenly instead of being selfish for being "childfree" we're selfish for POURING our resources into having and raising kids; more resources than other people require, to give kids a richer childhood. Your kids are going to be so extra cool when they grow up because they had you for parents. They are so lucky.

But then, I think freaky=blessed.

far and away the farthest

I think I would have to have a terrible come back even though I know it would only make the problem worse. My response to 'what will you do when...?' would probably be [with great shock], "You mean they are actually going to do that? You're sure they are going to learn to walk? Man, I am going to have to figure something out here pretty quick!"

But that is why you are a tolerant person and I am a huge crab.


hi there,
i dont know how i linked up to your blog, but i just wanted to say HELLO and i think you are an awesome mom!!! i love that you make the laminated books for your kids... [i wonder if i have kids in the future i can put a "big laminator" and "craft supplies" on the baby registry? ;)

keep doing such a great job. your kids are beautiful and look like happy kids!

in admiration,


Don't people make the weirdest comments? I've been told a million times that I'm "brave" for marrying and having a child with my husband, who has a severe congenital heart defect, because "he could die anytime." Well, yes, he could. But I would still have the 12 good years I've spent with him, and our daughter would still have all the things he's given her -- the ability to draw, the love of music, the joy of playing pretend. There's nothing selfish about that. Plus, if he'd just been sitting around waiting to die for the last 36 years (his parents were told when he was born that he wouldn't live to his teens -- guess that diagnosis was wrong), he would have had an extremely boring life!

And I can imagine what a humongous hassle it is to go anyplace with a wheelchair. My husband uses a wheelchair or a scooter sometimes at places that require lots of walking, and maneuvering/getting through crowds/etc. is always a pain, plus people look at us like they're thinking "What's wrong with him?" We get the same look when we park in disabled spaces and he gets out of the car and walks away. I wish I could find a bumper sticker that says "Not all disabilities are visible."

Um, anyway, sorry for the long drive-by comment. I've visited your blog a few times in the past, and I think your boys are beautiful and obviously very happy. So much for the dirty-clothes-glazed-look theory. :-)


Lisa, you are one kickass woman. I admire you so much... most of all for dealing with all the ijuts in the world. Egads, reading your blog I realise how many of them are out there. Sorry I haven't been by in awhile. Your boys have grown so BIG! and I totally get your "first=last" thing. I kind of feel like that myself. I don't know if I'll ever have more than one kid. cheers!

Lucía Moreno Velo

I just discovered you blog and loved it.

I am an able, lesbian mother of a child with a light motor handicap and I can relate to your relief about the deaf clerk and people staring. We're here!! We're not going away!! Loved that and feel the same.

Also I wanted to say that I live in Spain (Europe). We have Social Security here and I appreciate it more after reading your blog.

A big hug,

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