Here is what I've come across today. A birthmother's story. It's such a tough (and well-written) read, I've had to take breaks from it. If you read it, start in the January archives on the bottom and work your way up. It really is a "novel" with chapters.
Link: Speaking For Myself: January 2006.
I was reading that and thinking about today and the last few days I feel like I've been a bit angry at every thing. Stupid metafilter people, stupid church, stupid in-laws, etc. I've felt constantly in a position to defend myself and D and my kids and my choices.
I have these moments. Today, it was when I put a cranky Aaron in the bathtub (or sink, as it were.) He has had a little cold and I let him soak in some "vapor bath." After washing him and watching him slowly relax and breathe and start to play in the water, I kneeled down to stretch my back and rested. I was squating with just my eyes watching him over the sink counter. Just his eyes and forehead were visible and I watched him, happily playing and splashing. And every once in a while he would raise his head and glance at me, and our eyes would meet and his eyes would smile. Then he reached out with a bubble soaked hand and touched my cheek, and went back to happily playing.
I don't know if anyone can truly understand how much mothers love their kids unless you're a mother. I've loved other people's kids. I've taken care of a lot of other people's kids. And it is different. Maybe it is true of a primary caretaker, maybe I'm being a chauvinistic antifemite. I know that is naseatingly cliche, but it is just amazing. When I think of the judgement that I've been through or this birth mother has been through or the woman with the child with anencephaly that she watched die, I don't understand where people are coming from. Aren't they mothers? Don't they know?
Unless she has some unfortunate mental illness or something, mothers are going to do right by their children. They won't do everything right, but they will take every bit of everything they have and do the best they can. We have two choices as a society, we can either support mothers to do what they naturally want to do and help them succeed, or we can judge them, test them, and but barriers in their way and watch their failure. I just don't see any point to this.
Edited to say that on preview this is a very poorly written entry since I have stayed up all night reading this mother's story of her child's adoption. I need to go to bed, and my sentences aren't becoming any more clear. When I say mothers, I mean all mothers, I am not just referring to the bio ones when I say I was a caretaker of other's children. I should probably just delete this until I can make a more coherent point, but the linked story is so good...I want you all to get a chance to read it. I promise to fix it tomorrow!
No, no, don't delete it! It is clear what you mean.
Anyway, I think it is.
Posted by: shannon | January 31, 2006 at 08:29 PM