Twinkle Little Star

Square Foot Gardening

So I really want to learn to garden my own organic veggies and herbs, but I have very little land and don't have a clue how to go about it. I came across this link:

Link: Square Foot Gardening

I think this might be something to look into. On the west side of my house, I have about ten feet of rocky space and then a fence. Its just all bark mulched over. I'm trying to determine if it gets enough light throughout the day. It would be nice to have a cube or pyramid of vegetables or maybe even perennials to look at outside the dining room window rather than mulch and fence. Maybe I'll check for the book at the library.

Update on Dad

Well, kiddos,

I'll tell you a little about why you have not seen daddy for a while, and I'll do it without ranting. I probably need to practice that.

Yesterday, you both took your afternoon nap out in the waiting room at the Oregon Burn Center. The doctors and nurses won't let little guys like you in, so Grampa Fred stayed with you while I went in for a bit to talk to daddy. They are very careful in the burn center, and I had to get special permission to get in to see him and I had to wash my hands and wear gloves and a gown and a mask so I wouldn't give him or the other patients any bad germs that might make them sicker, and also so I don't get sick from their infections. He didn't get burned, but the burn center is the best place for the doctors and nurses to help him get better. He is sick because he made a mistake. He did not take care of his feet and he didn't ask anyone to help him either. Because daddy can't feel his feet or move very much, he has to be very careful to take care of his feet and his skin so they don't get hurt. He forgot to do this, so his feet are very sick. Everyone at the hospital is going to try and help him get better, but it may take a long time. So you may not get to see daddy for a little while.

I told daddy when I was there about you and how you made finger paintings with your carrots and I also read him the letter that I wrote below. I had a very serious talk with him about how unhappy I was that he let himself get so sick. He is sad and sorry that he forgot to take care of his feet. He misses you both very much.

I'm very upset with him right now, so I'm taking a little break and I don't know when I will go visit him again. He is getting an X-ray picture of his feet taken on Monday and then the doctors will decide what is the best way to make them better. We will go over to his house everyday and feed Scrapper and Kai. Maybe you can talk to him on the phone. I know that he loves you and me very much. I just wish that he better understood that showing someone you love them by taking care of yourself and being considerate of them is more important than just telling them. Maybe he will learn something sitting in there all day with nothing to do.

Dear Daddy,

If we could talk, this is what mommy thinks we would want to say to you.

We are so lucky that you chose to be our daddy. We know we are luckier than  some other children because you chose to be our daddy when you didn't have to. You were there when mommy was trying to have us, when you saw us as TWO! little, tiny dots in mommy's tummy, when you first found out we would be little boys, when you felt us kicking and hiccuping inside mommy, when you made some beautiful music for us to listen to, when you were the first to see us and hold us (even before mommy did!) and hear us cry when we were born.

We didn't quite know about you then, but now you have held us and made faces at us and played with us and fed us almost every day of our whole 7 1/2 month lives. You have to know that you are important to us. Except for mommy, you are the one who has loved us and spent the most time with us and cares about us the most. We need you. Mommy is great. But she is a girl and we need some boys like us to hang out with, too. We also need someone to help us with our math and teach us about computers and science because mommy sucks at those things. We will do so many things in our lives that we want to share with you. Mom is there all the time, when we learn to walk and talk and kick a ball and climb up backwards on the slide and wrestle each other and paint a picture or learn a song on the violin, we want to show you and have you be proud of us.

We want you to show us things, too. We want you to tell us stories about chickens and show us pictures of crop circles and show us how to watch the sky and look for UFOs! We want to come talk to you about man stuff that we are too embarrassed to talk to mom about. We want to go outside and take walks and maybe ride on the back of your wheelchair and see if we can ride bikes faster than you can drive your chair. We will do special projects in school and church and we want you to come watch us. We want you to go to the zoo with us and watch all the funny penguins. There is so much stuff we want to do with you, we can't even think of it all right now. We don't even know what penguins are! So how are we supposed to know all the fun things that are out there in life to share?

We heard that mommy said in front of the whole church on Father's Day that the most important part of being a parent is to be there. She lit a candle of JOY because you decided to be our father. We want you to be with us always because we love you so much and will continue to love you more and more as we get older.

We don't really understand now why you are sick and we can't see you as much as we used too. Mommy is confused and sad and doesn't understand either. We don't care that you are in a wheelchair or that you might have to have only one foot or that sometimes you can't do things with us. It is most important to us that you LIVE so you can BE THERE for us.  We would rather see you once a week for 30 more years rather than every day for just a short little while if that is our choice. Mommy will explain to us someday that it is very hard for you to stay healthy and takes a lot of work. But we think you are worth it because you are OUR DADDY!

Please work hard to be healthy for us and for mommy and for your own mommy and daddy and the kittycats and for everyone who loves you so much. Mommy will explain to us someday about how sometimes bad things just happen that are out of our control. But she will teach us to try our very best to do what we can. Please try your very best, too, daddy, so that we can all be together a long time. It doesn't matter where we live or how much money we have or what other people think of us. We all are a family, and we have to do our part to stay together so we can enjoy all the fun times in the future, and help each other out in the sad times. Mommy thinks maybe since you have never been around kids much, you don't realize how important you are or how much we will show how much we love you and need you when we learn how to hug and kiss and talk and play more. How big is this love? It is SOOO BIIIIGGG that it travels past the moon and back!

Luvu,

Your Aaron & Your Naim

We all learn the word "No!"

Today was a hard one for DW and Aaron. Aaron is now fascinated by DW's wheelchair. Now that he can crawl or scoot at least, he comes after DW which makes DW roll away. Finally I told him to stay put. It is more dangerous to roll on and have him chase you than to just stay where you are. I told him that this is as good a time as any to teach the kids the word "No!" I usually try to redirect the kids, but DW can't always do that from his chair so he needs to learn to use his voice to direct the kids. Aaron kept grabbing at the wheels and I told DW to tell him, "No! and push his hands away." After he did that a couple of times, I got Aaron's attention focused on something else. It is kind of sad in a way. The kids have lived through seven months of never hearing a negative or harsh word, and now the discipline starts and the limits are being set. The good side of that is that it comes with their independence. Aaron, who didn't move around much for a long time, is now mobile and he's getting a real adventuresome independent streak about him. And he is STRONG! I hate having to manhandle him away from something, but I have to sometimes, or every diaper would be in shreds. The "external gestation" period for Aaron is nearing its end.  As exciting as it is to see them develop each day, you kind of mourn the loss of the little babies they were.

Naim is moving along on his crawling, too, but is not quite yet as mobile as Aaron. He gets a little upset that Aaron can just take off and he can't.

DW is having some ongoing problems with his feet. Edema and pressure sores and infection. I've been pretty quite about it thus far, but last night was just the last straw. He came over last night and all I smelled was infection and necrotic tissue. It was disgusting and I didn't want the babies around it. Even my dad was pissed off about it, although he doesn't get it and thinks that DW just doesn't take showers. I wish! A much easier problem to solve!

A couple of years ago, I nursed DW for months through a long and nearly fatal bout with a pressure sore. The amount of work I missed from that, coupled with the discovery of my mother's terminal brain cancer that almost immediately followed his illness, caused me to lose my job. I was also hospitalized with an MRSA infection and my career ambition to become a Child Life Therapist was compromised. Tonight, I told him "No!" I will not go through that again. I will assist him, but he needs to deal with this before it gets any worse. He has to know that the kids are my priority now, and I cannot drop everything to help him anymore.

I banned him from my house until he gets well on his way to resolving this. It will be hard on me without him here four nights a week. He helps me get things done by watching the kids for me while I make formula, fold laundry, etc. All of us are going to miss him coming over. But what else can I do? I don't want the kids around that infection and stench, and I don't want to be his excuse for not taking care of it.

I will still haul myself and kids over to his place to work, however. I guess the kids will be getting a lot of baths in the next few weeks.

Morning

Let me tell you about my new favorite time of day, which would surprise anyone who knows me well. It is morning, and I am definitely not a morning person. I still dread getting up after I always stay up too late doing stuff like this, but now I have a new motivation: You, my babies. I drag myself out of bed and my first thought is when can I sleep again? And how long it has been since I was able to sleep, and sleep, and sleep until I couldn't sleep anymore. I look at the baby monitor and see if you are awake or not. There are a series of lights on it one light blinking means all is silent in your room. Then there are waves of light (like a graphic equalizer) that measure the sound coming from your room. I actually know what pattern it makes when you are just babbling verses full-fledged crying.  Sometimes I can even tell which baby is talking or crying by those lights. Sometimes it is tempting to go back to sleep when all is quiet, but I have learned that you reap what you sow almost immediately when parenting. If I let you sleep too long, the rest of the day will be messed up with meals crowded too close together and no afternoon nap. Grumpy Little Winker-bean Brothers you will be. So I trek downstairs to get your bottles warmed and have a quick breakfast myself. Sometimes I stop by the Internet on the way back up and cruise the headlines. Then, finally fully awake, I can get to the good part. I open your bedroom door and open the blinds. I walk over to your crib to see what contortions you have gotten yourself into throughout the night. Often you are laying on top of each other. Naim is usually still sleeping but Aaron is always wide awake. When you see me, I get a huge, toothy smile. "Good Morning!" I say, and you usually answer me back with some kind of Aaron babble or giggle.

Naim slowly starts to move and then he eventually orients himself for a few minutes and wakes up. Niam is toothless now, with just a small start of your two bottom front teeth. Niam, you will look at me grumpy and serious for a minute, and then your face explodes into the widest, biggest, toothless smile imaginable. Then I have both of my babies smiling at me, with the sun shining down from the window onto your faces. It is such a fun silly time. I usually get Aaron up and dressed first, because he has been awake the longest. I love picking you up and holding you in the morning because you always act like I've done the most amazing thing. Like I am the one responsible for the sun rising. You usually give me a hug and then look down at Naim, like, "Look at me, I got to get up and held first." You give him a mischievous grin. You both are so cuddly and usually smell so good in your soft jammies. You are so bright eyed and happy in the morning.

Those few moments are the best, and I get them everyday. I know it won't last forever, but right now, I'm enjoying your morning sunshine.

Tester Post

Dear Boys,

Mom has a lot to say, and she wants it on record.

Thank you for being my babies.

Love, Mommy