Twinkle Little Star

Wanna Schmooze over a Book? and Disability PR for Kids

This week, instead of blogging, I got engrossed in a thread on The Whatever regarding homeschooling. If you want to slog through 178 comments, you can read what I have to say there. (I'm the one known--curiously--as "Lisa" over in them there parts.) And yes, I should have shut my pie hole around my third comment, but by that time, I had let it become sport.

Anyway, someone on that thread recommended the book, "The Underground History of American Education" by John Taylor Gatto. It is actually online in its entirety, so I've been engrossed in that. Gatto, you may know, is famous for quitting his 30 year PS teaching career with a scathing acceptance speech at his NY Teacher of the Year ceremony, and his book, "Dumbing Us Down," which I have read. This book goes entirely further into the history of compulsory education. He comes to it from quite a libertarian angle, so I don't agree with everything he says, although my experiences as teacher and student do not disagree with many of his conclusions. I am a weird amalgamation of socialist libertarian, if that is even possible. I think we should all take care of each other financially until every last one of us, including the earth, has our basic need for food, shelter, clothing, health care, community and access to education met. Then, I don't care what you do. You might say I'm economically a socialist but socially a libertarian. Or something like that. Anyway, the book is not only teaching me a lot of American History I did not know (and showing my how bad my sister's and my schooling was, even though by relative standards, it was quite good), but is giving me insight into such things as family issues, community issues, church issues, etc.

But I don't want to write about that until I've finished the book and had some time to digest it. Also, if anyone else wants to read it or has read it, I'd love to do a little book club style bloggity-blog-blog thing about it. Let me know if you are interested and maybe we can set a date.

Instead, I will answer an email. Gracious reader, Wendy, asks:

I have a 3 year old and am interested in your thoughts about talking to kids about obvious disabilities.  The other day, a man walked past us using a cane and my son turned to watch him.  After the man passed, I just said, "that man is using a cane to help him walk". We haven't encountered too many people in wheelchairs, although we've seen a few and I try to comment to my son in a low key way.  My intention is to educate him and maybe prevent loud questions that could be embarrassing(more for me than the person in the wheelchair, I think). 

 

So what are your thoughts?  I know that it's different for you because your kids are used to seeing their dad in a wheelchair.  What advice do you have for those of us that have limited contact with people with disabilities?  Also, how do you suggest talking about mental illness or developmental disabilities?  I have some thoughts but am interested in yours.

 

She also asks if I have already written on this topic and if so, where? To which my answer is, "Hell if I know. Have I? Anyone remember?" Its almost easier to write it up again instead of search for it. And my kids are also three, and things are coming up for us, too.

Well, first of all, I think what you said was fine. Second, my kids probably, in a way, know less about disability than you think. They are used to the accoutrement's of disability such as wheelchairs, hearing aids, white canes, IV pumps, etc. But they really have no idea that these things are in any way different than what most people use. But more on that in a sec.

I tend to not make a point to give a big explanation to my kids about anything unless they ask a specific question (or seem so perplexed and bothered about something they see that it would comfort them to have an explanation.) For example, I have not ever talked to my kids about race. And I don't expect to until the issue comes up by itself. They see people and play with children of different races almost everyday. They don't seem to think anything of it, so why make a big point to explain something that they don't see as different. Now this doesn't mean that eventually, when we start learning about American and World History, for example, that we won't have the hard discussions about race. But right now, it seems like pointing out that their little friend so-and-so has different colored skin than they do is kind of wagging the dog. I mean, I don't go around making a point to tell them that so-and-so has different colored eyes or is a different height or weight. What do you think? Is this the right way to handle it? It is hard to know whether you should be pre-empting any subconscious negative information they are getting from our culture about these things, or if by pre-empting it by pointing it out, you are actually putting negative subconscious information in their heads.

Now, they have asked gender specific questions and I have answered them matter of factly. Mainly things like, "mom, do you potty out of YOUR penis, too?" And then today Naim proclaimed, "Mom! You have BIG breasts! And I have little breasts!" So I just matter of factly say that women have bigger breasts than men, blah, blah, blah. But I haven't even gone around (as I've seen some parents do) asking, "There is Jane. Is Jane a boy or a girl?" I figure Jane can self-identify if it is important to her that they get her gender right. Besides, that stuff is so ingrained in our culture, they already can gender identify. I never had to say anything to them about it.

So with D's and my disability, I have really just explained things as they came up and answered their questions. They are just now starting to realize that D can't walk. They still don't quite articulate an understanding that I don't hear as well as they do. Yet, they accommodate me naturally by bringing stuff over to me or coming over to me to talk to me. Sometimes, they will say, "What's that noise?" And I will say, "I don't hear the noise you are hearing, because you can hear better than me. What does it sound like?" And then sometimes they will go into great detail imitating and describing every sound they hear for me. And it even gets out of hand silly when they start telling me they hear elephant sounds or space shuttle sounds in a fit of giggles. But I don't think it registers to them that I am different or less than in any way because of this. When they play "house," whoever is the dad has to  find a wheelchair to sit in. Now they know that there are other men called dads and that they don't use wheelchairs, but in their mind dads use wheelchairs. Whenever they draw pictures of me (or moms in general) they draw hearing aids. Moms have hearing aids. End of story. When they draw their dad, he looks like a big head on top arms on top of 4 to 8 circles for wheels. But they draw themselves with legs. I have told them that not all moms have hearing aids and not all dads use wheelchairs, and I think they cognitively get that, but they don't use those images in their imaginary play. When they see other people who are disabled, they really don't seem to notice. It is just par for the course for them. It will be interesting to see how it unfolds for them to come to understand that we are the different ones. Or at least that is how we are thought of.

I know this isn't exactly what you are asking, but I mention it because people ask me sometimes, in serious hushed tones, how we are "handling" teaching the kids about disability issues. The truth is, we aren't. We are just living our lives and not shoving it down their throats that we are so unique or different. But yet we do answer all of their questions honestly and matter-of-factly.

So, that being said, I don't know if it is necessary to say anything to your kids about people with disabilities unless they ask or seem uncomfortably confused by it. I used to do these "disability awareness" thingies at kid's schools, and I still do them from time to time, but I've come to think of them as sometimes doing more harm than good. It is like putting a big, fat sign that says "THIS PERSON IS DIFFERENT. LEARN THAT!" on us, when kids might not have thought we were all that different before, just more of a curiosity. Now, when I am invited to do kid awareness things, I say that I'm not going to stand in front of the class and tell them how different I am. Nor am I going to do the "I'm just like everybody else...except" dog and pony show. Now I try to set it up just so I spend some time with the kids doing something that they are already doing, like an art project or something. I will introduce myself with a 30 second intro about me, like anyone would, and I do say that I cannot see or hear very well. And then I just interact with them. And they ask questions in the process and I answer them.

Also, I will say, that in the disability community, kids get a pass. I don't like to speak for everyone in the community about this, but I have found that to be universally true in my experiences. Kids staring or asking questions is really no problem. Unless I am in a mad rush somewhere, I will always happily answer any kid question. This "PASS" is in response to the backlash that happens when kids are shushed and pulled away and told not to stare at us by their parents. That is the perfect way to ensure that your kid thinks we are freaks. We look different, we are doing things differently, kids should stare. It is only natural. If they are yanked away and scolded for staring, all it has done is enticed them to view us as fascinating freaky people that are so bad, we make mom uncomfortable.

Also, I personally would rather have the kid come up to me and ask me a question directly, rather than have their mother shush them till I've passed and then give their own explanation. Because often, their explanation is wrong. I'd rather they just get it from the horses mouth. And also, if I find their question to be too personal, I'll politely tell them that it is too personal. This way, they might actually grow up understanding that they don't have the right to ask disabled people anything they want to know. And if I am too busy to answer, I'll say something like, "That is a good question, but I don't have time to answer it right now." So then they know that it isn't my JOB to stop and educate them, but I will do it voluntarily if I can.

When I had my guide dog, I heard parents say all kinds of things to kids that made me sort of cringe. One was, "She can't see the traffic lights so that dog takes care of her and takes her across the street." Well, actually, no. No guide dog can see traffic lights or knows when to cross the street. We tell them when it is okay to cross the street by using our skills and hearing, just like white cane users do. Where a guide dog can help is to find the straightest path across the street to the opposite sidewalk, and to help us know which way to dodge an unruly car should it come careening around the corner. The other thing that happened all the time was when I went anywhere with D, people made up whole stories about us to tell their kids. That man can't walk so he has a dog to catch him in case he falls out of his wheelchair and has a seizure and that woman is his nurse who takes care of him. Okay, whatever. But do people know they are just making shit up? It is always about how we are poor things that need someone (dog or human) to take care of us.

Worse yet is the people who talk to their kids is very value judgment-y ways like, "That person can't see. Aren't you lucky that you can see? Doesn't that make you feel bad that she can't see? Maybe you can use her as your community service project for today and go over and annoy her until she lets you help her with something she doesn't need help with." I think it is very important that parents aren't using us as their kid's feel sympathy and be grateful for what you've got feel good moment of the day. I mean, why not just take a whole bag full of prejudice and intolerance and ram it down your kid's throat?

The thing about kids and people with cognitive disabilities is that most of the time, kids just don't care. Sometimes if a person is displaying some kind of socially unacceptable behavior like drooling, kids will ask or stare. And then I'd just say that all people are different and have different abilities and some people aren't able to control their saliva very well. But if it is just that a person that a kid comes in contact with who is not acting as intelligent or mature as typical for his age, I'd just let them get to know the person. Or if it is a passerby, say nothing unless asked and then I would do the "everyone is different with different personalities" line. I think the main idea is that kids pick up on how comfortable YOU are in the situation. So if you really want to portray acceptance of people with disabilities, I'd start with yourself first. And in the meantime, explanations should be short and sweet and factual, and most especially value-neutral.

So, in summary:

1. Work on your own attitude first, then your kid's. Always try to model comfort and respect around us.
2. Don't point out differences that your kid doesn't even see.
3. In the disabled community, kids get a pass in regards to staring, asking questions. It is our way to try to undo the mess the parent is about to create. So don't worry too much about it.
4. If appropriate, let the kid come up and talk to us about their concerns. But know that we aren't obligated to educate them, spend time we don't have with them, or cross our personal boundaries with them. We are providing a courtesy that hopefully serves both parties well.
5. If not possible for your kid to talk to us, answer their questions in matter-of-fact, value neutral ways.
6. If you don't know the correct answer just say so. If the kid is still curious later on, do some research by going directly to disabled self-advocate sources, NOT professional service provider or medical sources. You will get a WAAAY more real life and accurate answer that way.

Readers with disabilities? Feel free to add your opinions in the comments. Disagree with me? Agree? Have other ideas? Let Wendy and me know.

Still in BlogFog

I am so totally going to write the post about disability competencies in the medical field that has been requested of me more than once. In fact, I've been writing it in my head all week. But I'm really pissed about some of the stuff going on with D's medical people, so it just boils over in my brain into a big, pissy diatribe that borders on insane hatred of MDs. As soon as I can back it up into a coherent post, I'm going to write it.

So, to at least write something, I'll give you some lazy bullet point updates.

1. D. D is doing pretty well. He is on another WoundVac now that is sucking the life out of the original incision site that the infected pump was removed from. He is off all IV antibiotics. He spent over $1000 of his own money to get a circulating air mattress that helps prevent pressure sores that insurance won't cover. It looks like nothing is going to happen until the incision wound heals, which means he will probably not get the medtronic infusion pump put back in for several more months. He is going to a new pain management doctor at the beginning of April, and if I go much further into this update I will spiral off into the above mentioned diatribe.
2. With the exception of Thurs. mornings when my dad took the kids to the gym for me for a class, I have now had the kids by myself without help for nearly 8 weeks straight. My dad is back in Kansas now and the class is over, so that is gone. D has only been able to come over one or two times since January and has trouble being left with the kids for more than a few minutes because of his spasms. It has been a long haul.
3. When D first went in to the hospital, I had a lot of church people volunteer to come help out with the kids. I'm sure they were well intentioned, but one by one they seemed to drop out of site. It may be my fault for not following through very well, but I just have a real difficult time managing people and hunting them down and badgering them for something they've volunteered to do. I would do one phone call or email reply, and then if things fell through, I was not about to go begging and badgering. So, I've basically been all about the kids lately.
4. I'm tired.
5. My friend, Niklas, is coming to visit in May. He's actually bought tickets and everything, so that makes it real. I promise I will not just hand him my children as soon as he walks in the door and then go lock myself in my room and sleep for a week. I promise. Really. I won't do that. No, I won't.
   
6. I totally missed a covenant group meeting tonight at my church. The kids and I slept right through it. I missed last month, too because I was attendant caring for D that night. Bad, bad, me. The people are nice and I enjoy going to this thing every month...for the first two hours. The first two hours are visiting while the kids are in the next room with a sitter. The last hour is a potluck. It is the potluck that kills me. First, I have to figure out what to make, based on some "theme" which usually includes finding recipes and buying groceries I might not normally buy. In large enough quantities that would feed everybody, even though mostly people don't eat much at these things. I just don't have the money to waste like that. And something that the kids (mine and others) will eat and something that doesn't have milk and gluten for this or that person. Then I have to spend time on Saturday making it. Then I have to arrange the kids schedules so they are adequately rested and fed and clean for this thing. Because for some reason we do the potluck at the end rather than the beginning when our food would be warm and the kids would be hungry. (At least my kids.) So if I go by myself, I have to find a way to pack and transport the food for the 3/4ths mile walk. Then at the actual potluck, I am running around feeding four people while everyone else just has one person or maybe one person and their kid. Then everyone is done eating by the time I have sat down to eat. Then I can't hear anything anyway. Then I have to help clean up and monitor overtired, running around kids. Then I have to get us all home and to bed and up for church the next day. I know I'm being a big whiny whiner that whines about this, but I love the group...and that last hour almost makes it so not even worth the trouble. I am thinking that I either need to quit or make some kind of deal with them that I will bring snacks every time but I am bowing out early before the potluck and just stay for the first two hours. Cuz, man I friggin' hate that potluck with the heat of a thousand suns. Okay, that may be an exaggeration, but sometimes little things tip the scales of what you are able to electively handle.
   
7. I've made a decision about preschool. I'm going with the homeschool coop that is cheaper, yet farther away. I missed the deadline for the other preschool (purposefully) and I have not yet gotten in to the homeschool one, so I take a risk. But I have been told that I do have a good chance of getting in there. I have visited there twice now. One on my own and once with the kids. Everyone there was EXTREMELY nice and accommodating. Almost too nice. I started looking for signs that I was entering a cult! But I think it is ok. This was my first interaction with real live homeschoolers (vs. the ones that live in my computer). I found this crowd to be secular and lacking any sort of radical zealotry; homeschool or otherwise.  They are willing to take both my kids for one open spot. They don't double the volunteer work because I have two kids. At first I thought that it wasn't "meaty" enough and it was too laid back and it wouldn't challenge my kids. There was a lot of just free play and very little structure. But then I took the kids, and it was really right where they needed to be. Three hours was really plenty for them. Naim can sort of manage his overstim problem by just escaping to a quiet corner when he needs to and Aaron doesn't have too many people telling him too much of what to do. He needs a lot of freedom and hates to follow the crowd and procedure. YET, there is a loose procedure for Naim, who likes it. The trip wasn't too bad. It is a 20 minute ride and a mile walk. There is a city park and a library nearby. I really felt, on a gut level, that this was where we belonged. It felt good to be there and it felt like a place I wanted to keep going back to. The kids had a lot of fun and still ask me when they can go back. I'm sorry to say that it will probably be about five more months.
8. My goal is to get to bed by midnight every night, and it is now 12:01. So, good night!
   

Homeschool Inventory (take 2)

This is one of those posts that is more for me to sort out my thinking than anything else. I fully expect it will bore the crap out of everyone else.

First, some readers asked me long ago to take a picture of the kids' room after the whole drawn-out year-long project that drove me nuts happened. After all my whining about it, you probably will be like, is THAT all? Technically, it still isn't done. I still want to put some stuff on the walls, do a growth chart, possibly replace Aaron's broken lamp, put one of those art clotheslines up, and maybe a wall mirror. And better 'art' than the old bulletin board stuff that is gummied up there now. Things like that. Anyway, I finally took pictures of it today because I cleaned it and it is rarely clean.

Naim's side. The ball is Naim's Anger Ball that he hits instead of, well, us. The table and the desk raise to normal height. Those desks cost me about $12 each. Naim's cabinet has games and pattern blocks and stuff like that in it now.

Naim's bed with Aaron in it. Aaron always sleeps with "myblueblanketandmyyellowblanket." It is all one word.

Aaron's side. The red square is a magnetic bulletin board. Kind of dumb on my part, they started putting the magnets in their mouths so I took them away. They can use it when they are older. Currently, the cabinet has a CD player in it and their CDs and their old laptop and stuff like that.

Naim on Aaron's bed. These beds can convert to bunkbeds.

My dad built this closet for me. See? He's not an ass all the time. This was originally supposed to be a media room with a wet bar where the closet is. The room is huge, 13X16. Good for twins to share. This is where all of their clothes are and stuff like art supplies, play-doh, and montessori manipulatives.

The shelves I drooled over in the educational supply auction. They are sturdy as all get out, they are mobile with casters, and they have magnetic whiteboards on the back. We just flip 'em around and draw on the back with markers. The mat is actually two three-squared mats. They can make tents and stuff with them, or line them up length-wise in the hall and do somersaults and stuff down them. 99% of the time, more toys are on the floor than are in the shelves.

***************

One of my IRL friends was asking me why I did so much "organized stuff" and why not be all unschool-y. Part of it is probably because I'm a teacher and still have to beat that out of myself. But I think the other part is because a) it isn't as easy for us to just jump in the car and head out all over town and do stuff. I need to bring stuff in the house to make our home time more stimulating. b)  I need assistance to do some of the things other parents can just do on their own. For example, there was no way I could have taken two babies swimming by myself, but was able to with a class where the instructor helped. Due to vision/hearing stuff, the class structure gives me some backup and information that would be harder for me to do on my own. c) I have no time to think up stuff for the kids to do on my own, or hell, I'm just not very creative. d) with the kids largely dependent on me for stimulation/information at this age, I can't just find things on the fly like sighted/hearing people can. I have to plan ahead. Curriculum gives me those ideas and learning opportunities ready made in fairly easily accessible chunks. I think that we will move to a more un-schooly approach as the kids get older and more able to be independent learners. When they can read, for instance, the sky is the limit on what they can learn about, they will not have to wait for me to find things in a format that I can read to them.

I don't think I could go the total unschooling route where the kid just gets up in the morning and does whatever the hell he wants. I think some kids/parents do fine with that. But I think I would have to have some structure to it. But I am all on board with kid driven structure. For example, I say that they need to take one physical education class, one art class, and one music class a year and they decide which one. Or letting them pick themes to work around, etc. I know we will do a math curriculum because my math skills are too poor to teach it on the fly, but I can see us getting by with a more organic method for reading. Of course, this is what I need. If one kid takes off doing algebra on his own at age 8 and the other kid needs a really step-by-step phonics program for reading, then that's what we'll do.

At this age, though, everything is new and fun and exciting. As long as I pay attention to their cues about when they've had enough or want to move on or want more, it seems that almost anything we do is a winner. But we are transitioning from toddlerhood to preschool age, and there are a lot more opportunities out there now, and there is a greater need to find them stimulating places to go and things to learn. So, I'm trying to transition in my own head for this. See what we have the time and energy and interest for, what is most cost effective, what gives them the most opportunity to bring out their best skills. As they say in teaching, education is not filling up a kid with information, it is drawing out the potential that is already there.

Anyway, the formal stuff is what I'm worrying about here, but please don't get the idea that every little thing we do is structured and "curriculized." We take walks, cook together several times a week, read lots and lots of books just whenever, play games that we just think up, pretend, pretend, pretend, talk, sing spontaneous songs in our heads, play on the computer, go to our usual community stomping grounds, etc.

What we've done so far:

Curriculum: From about 6 mo. through 2 yrs. we went through all of the Montessori Assistant to Infancy program stuff. (Six binders full of little activities.) We did it much more informally than the official Montessori way.

We have done all of the one year old and over half of the two yr. old Brighter Vision packages. This was an impulse buy that I've been too ambivalent about to cancel. The kids really like these, but they bore me to tears. I could end these and the kids probably wouldn't notice, though. For $15, you get ten packages a year. Each package includes a (very formulaic) activity/sticker book, a nice hard-cover picture book (some are great, some are so-so), a craft-type activity, stickers, a parent newsletter, and a CD with children's songs on it. They all revolve around a theme such as "dinosaurs" or "faery tales". The kids love the CDs (which grate on my nerves, I usually let them listen to them at the start of naptime.), and they love the book and the activity book. These have been good to take over to D's house for them as he doesn't have a lot of "learning" type stuff for them to do. I'm probably going to cancel this.

This really isn't 'curriculum' per se, but we have also gone through all the Baby Einstein videos and the first series of "signing time." We've also done some of the BBC's "Muzzy" Spanish program. But I get this from the library and I always forget about it, so it probably doesn't do much good. Its funny though, it is a wacky british stylized cartoon all in spanish. They sit there engrossed.

Classes: We did one session of gymboree when they were one before I decided that it was a waste of money and I hated it. They took baby swimming, and have swam with me regularly in the summer months. They did little feet fridays at the gym. And we've done drop in painting and clay class at the children's museum. They've also done 3 yrs. of Healthy Start. Healthy Start now goes from 0-3, but I got grandfathered in from the 0-5 program. So I need to decide whether to continue. There is no downside to continuing except that it is hard to schedule around. We started at 3 days a week when they were infants, then once a week, and now we are at twice a month. I think I'm going to ask if I can go to once a month.

What we are currently doing...quickly:

• Funshine Express activities 3-5 days a week.
• Brighter Visions, whenever. 2-3 days a week.
• Sporties class, 1 day a week
• Tumbling 1 day a week
• Painting and or clay class, once or twice a month.
• "socialization" activities, child care and church nursery, 2-3 days a week.

What are the options for next year?:

The preschool question:

I don't really think preschool (in and of itself) is necessary, although there are a lot of good reasons to go. In my case, I mainly want my kids to have somewhere to GO during the long rainy, cold winter months. I wrack my brain trying to think of indoor ways for them to release some energy. Another good thing about preschool is that they can make messes somewhere else besides my house. Aaron loves the water/sand table type of stuff. I'm fine with that in the summer when I can send him outside with it, but I hate doing that stuff in the winter in the house, yuck.

In my case, I will not get the total benefits for 'mom time' from preschool. By the time I take my kids there, there would be no time to bus it back and turn around and go again. So, I'm not only looking for a comfortable environment for them, I'm looking for an environment for me where I could have some quiet space to do some computer work or read or perhaps run errands nearby. Also, I have pretty much ruled out anything but coops due to price. So, I will have to volunteer there as well, which also cuts into the me time. But I would get some.

Here is where I will interject my ongoing peeve about the Goddard School. I only pick on this school in particular because it is literally FEET from my house, but I'm sure there are many other places like it. We walk by it nearly daily and see the kids playing outside. I tell my kids that they can't play on the (fenced in) play equipment because it is only for the school children there. It would be so nice to walk the kids over there a couple of days a week and walk back to my house for some coveted me in the house time. But $335 per child for a 3 hour day, 2 days a week. $445 for a full day, two days a week. So for me, that would be $670 per month for 6 hours a week of child-free time. Is it me or is this outrageous? The other thing is that I've visited the place now three different times. It is okay, but there is NOTHING special that I can see about this place. Nothing. It is regular standard old stuff. Age grouped kids in small rooms all day doing the usual stuff with high turnover staff and a little bit of daily outdoor time. When my kids were born, I went to their infant room which was smaller than my kids bedroom and saw the eight little cribs lined up on one side and the little play area on the other and it depressed me. So, anyway, I hate that school with a filthy vengeance. Entirely because it taunts me with its convenience, teases my kids with its exclusive play equipment, and robs everyone who goes there.

Okay, so here are my options thus far:

Option A: "CCC" Coop recommended to me by several people who rave about it. I would know some of the families there. It would take a short train ride and a bus ride to get there. Once I got there, there is nothing for me to do but hide in the lobby area waiting room. It is on a very busy street. There are many classes to choose from. i.e. Morning/afternoon. Cost: 2 mornings a week @ 3hrs. $294 (both kids) while volunteering 4 times a month.

Option B: "HPP" Small Coop located in church (not affiliated.) Don't know much about it (visiting Feb. 20). Seems to value community building. Child centered. One relatively short train ride + two block walk, quiet neighborhood. Can work in empty classroom. Some shops and stuff nearby for errand running. Cost: 2 mornings a week, 2 1/2 hrs. $180/mo. for both. Lots of volunteer work. 4 days a month in classroom + three trainings a year+ four 'workdays' and four 'cleaning days' a year + required to volunteer at auction + required to have two "jobs" (taking care of classroom pet, taking book orders, etc.).

Option C: "HPR" This is a park and rec program. So it is a bit fragmented and lots of turnover with kids and staff. Train plus bus ride. Nothing close by, may sit in lobby or empty classroom if available. Nice park next door. Hard to get into. Cost: 3 hrs. two days a week. $180. NO volunteer work!

Option D: "VH" This is a homeschool coop. So there are classes there for kids of all ages. Also homeschool community activities, field trips, etc. Furthest away. A 20 min. train ride and a 1/2 mile walk or bus. Surrounded by library, park some stores and businesses. Could work in empty classroom if available or library. Preschool program is only 1 day a week for 2:45, but they do have other (free) activities for little kids on other days. Membership is $225. Volunteer rate is $180 per term (3 terms) with 10 hrs. of volunteer work per term. (I like that there is a time limit!) That's $85 per month.

I'm leaning toward Option D, the homeschool coop. But I need to see how bad the transportation is going to be. Also, I'm a little irritated that they haven't answered my emails. Do they seriously expect me to (gasp!) call them in this day and age? But it is the cheapest, has the most for me to do while they are there. The volunteering is reasonable, and they (and I) might build friendships with homeschoolers that last years. But I'm going to wait till I've seen all of the programs before I make my final decision..

Curriculum:

I'm trying to decide whether to fork out the $360 (for the year) to do funshine express next year. The kids like it, it is easy for me to always have something available for them to do, they will probably get even more out of it next year than this year because their skills have improved so much. It is basically preschool style unit studies, which I like, but these unit studies are selected by them and not by us. Right now that is ok, because they are interested in everything. But I do notice how much more WoWed! they are when a unit happens to be something of special interest to them. Like we just did trains in Dec. and did fire safety in Oct. and they LOVED that. We just finished penguins, and they were interested but not nuts about it. If I could whip up a unit study based on their interests (like space shuttles and all things space, right now) that would be ideal. But I'm not sure I have time to pull that off. I admit it, I like being spoon fed for the time being. I love being able to hand off a booklist to a librarian and instantly she gives me the appropriate books. I don't think it is bad to introduce unit studies that the kids might not be all about at any given time, how else would they ever know if they would be interested? But FE goes overboard with the Holidays and holiday themes bore me. They change themes every year, so I might wait and look at what next year's themes are before I decide. For what you get, it is not a bad price (It is so chock-full of stuff you never will run out of things to do. You get most all of the supplies for arts and crafts, which I like. I hate having to hunt down spools or pipe cleaners. I would never do any of these crafts if the supplies weren't readily available to me.) And it is really a cafeteria style thing. You can pick and choose what you want. But we don't NEEEEEED it, we could live without it. But I'm afraid I would waste days of taking so much time to decide what to do (especially bad weather indoor days) that we would not do much of anything.

Oak Meadow has a preschool program that is much less structured and only costs $100. (minus art supplies and stuff.) I like it because it is very nature based and Waldorf-y. But it is something that requires more planning to get stuff together. And in a way, I don't think there is enough stuff to do. At least for us. It will say, "Go on a nature hike and pick up 30 different kinds of leaves." I'm limited with this type of thing. I like the thought of it, but I don't know how well I would execute it. I also worry that it is a little simplistic for my kids. I think academically they might not be challenged.

Calvert has a boxed school preschool set for about the same price as FE. When I was a homeschooling newbie, I got all excited about Calvert. But now I have decided that I hate, hate, hate their history/social studies program. Very eurocentric/red, white and blue. Also their reading program is probably ok, but I would want more flexibility. I have heard good things about their math program. For preschool, it looks just...boring, to me. It looks like a lot of worksheets.

Montessori. I could get free Montessori lesson plans online. But the program is very manipulatives based and those things are expensive! I actually have some of them, or knock offs of some of them. For example, I have a miniature pink tower and knobbed cylinders. Some people go here and get paper versions of the manipulatives. And that is probably ok, but stacking pink tower cards just doesn't cut it for me. Some things just need to be in 3D. (Especially for me, I'm a big touchy, feely 3D fan.) So, I think I could incorporate Montessori into what we do like I have been. Just really informally when I think of it or happen to look something up.

No curriculum/make it up as we go. I'm actually going to try this over the summer and see how it works out. I don't really have anything for the summer planned. So we will see how bored we get. Of course, in summer we are outside a lot more, it is in winter that the FE has really made our days more fun. I'm sure there are other options or combinations thereof. We often just pull out the baby einstein 365 days activity book. They've really outgrown that, but Brainquest would be the same idea. Or work more on the computer. I have declared my computer off limits to the kids. But they use D's a lot and also we have a used (very slow) laptop that we let them use sometimes. There are tons of websites out there with free educational kids games. And you can always pick up Hooked on Phonics stuff or sticker/activity books at Costco.

Classes:

I think about classes not only as a fun place to go but also as a support for my weak areas. Sports, Music, Art. I used to be okay at individual sports, figure skating of course, and I still can swim. But ball stuff, distance running stuff, anything involving coordination? Not my strength. Music I really like but have never had a strong background in it (although I had to learn how to read music and pluck it out on a piano in college, I still do that like a third grader.) The visual arts I've never had any appreciation or affinity for. My ideal would be to have them in one physical activity, one music, and one artsy class each year. I don't know if that means at the same time or not. Some things could arguably be combined. Like dance. That is both physical, musical, and artsy. This is largely a funding issue for me.

We really like the tumbling class, so I'd like to keep that. It is $80 per month (both kids). We could also take dance and kindermusik there. It is a really, really easy walk from my house which is always such a big selling point for me. But I know I could find cheaper. Our parks and rec has a tumbling class also, but it is crazy hard to get to. I might take them out of their sporties for shorties class after this term and put them into dance or kindermusik. I think Naim would really like dance. Aaron would probably do better in kindermusik. In my fantasies I would like them to learn an instrument. Piano would be my first choice but rather impractical. Violin is somewhat more accessible because of D's background in it. Kindermusik is supposed to be a great precursor to learning an instrument. So, that would be nice to do, but I don't know if I could have them do it AND tumbling or dance. So we might just have to take turns. Oh! and VH (homeschool coop from above) has a free sing, dance and play music class. So perhaps that would be workable instead of the more expensive Kindermusik.

At this age, art is something we can do at home, or do very cheaply at the children's museum. So I will probably put that off. I just have 0 interest in visual arts. So that path would probably have to come from my kids. I'd be satisfied to just occasionally put them in a summer art workshop for a week every year or something. But for now, I think it is something we can pass up.

So, tentatively for next year:

Curriculum: lazily leaning towards FE again, with a sprinkling of homemade Montessori. But see how no curriculum/do it yourself goes this summer. Ditch Brighter Vision.

Preschool: leaning towards VH 1 day a week w/ free music class another day a week.

Classes: Continue tumbling. Add either dance or kindermusik (or alternate per term.) Continue painting and clay classes at Children's museum. Maybe in summer they can do something more sporty at the gym.

And this is actually what I have budgeted for now...saving about $360 (minus supplies I'd get for the kids in place of) if I ditch FE.

Preschool, homeschool, etc. (Next time)

Thank you all for your good wishes, candles, and karma. So far D is "stable" and full of bacteria of all sorts. And varying degrees of coherent and loopy. I actually told him today to take a few deep breaths and think about what he wanted to say and stop going all Britney Spears on me. (tangent: I was never a Britney fan, but her story lately saddens me and it has crossed over into the disability rights realm. Don't know who has her best interests at heart, but not really understanding why a guardian ad litem has not been assigned to her. Anyway, I actually find myself compassionately pulling for her these days.) But, I don't want to talk about Britney, or D, right now.

But here is a funny dad story. A couple of days ago when D went in the hospital, I decided that I was not going to go over to his apartment in the cold and feed the cat every day this time, so I brought him over here. And I set up his litter box, and his food and water, and his little bed. I put a can of his food in the fridge. The kids noticed him right away, the dog noticed him right away, and they even had a few minor altercations. He's lived here before, so he just walked around like he owned the place. And it took my dad over two days to realize he was here. I would sit there trying not to laugh while Kai would mosey accross the living room while my dad was watching TV, and he wouldn't  notice him. And then today, finally, my dad says "There's a cat in the house!" as if a stray cat just wandered in off the street. He didn't even recognize him at first. (He has seen him-even lived with him for weeks on end before.) That's Kai, dad. And the best thing is, he can hardly complain about it when he was not bothered enough to even notice him for over two days. But don't want to talk about my dad right now, either.

Okay, there is a post on preschool/homeschool coming...it was what I was going to write here. But I am catching Aaron's cold so I think I need to wait on that and get some rest.

Sundry

D and the Troublesome Pump

Remember that super easy, no big deal surgery D had last November? The one that was just routine? To replace his Medtronic Baclofen Infusion Pump? Well, as I have come to know, nothing with D is ever easy.

Around late December, he developed this crazy abdominal infection and the incision around the pump opened a bit and goo drained out. So, there was weeks of antibiotic injections and trips to the doctor to check it out. The doctors told us that in 95% of cases involving pump site infection, they have to remove the pump and start over again...after waiting for two months with no pump before replacing it.  Two months of choosing between crazy spasms or being drugged beyond recognition to prevent crazy spasms were not options we liked, so we were hoping that D would be in the 5% who could clear the infection quickly.

And one Sunday, a couple of weeks ago, I administered the last antibiotic shot. The wound had closed, D felt fine, it looked like we made it. Two weeks of good health followed and I thought we would be on our way for a bit.

Oh, No. That just doesn't happen for D.

Today I got "One of Those Calls." I had actually just put a pork tenderloin in the crock pot with BBQ sauce for pulled pork sandwiches, something that I'm not crazy about eating, the kids don't like, but D has been wanting for a while. I found pork tenderloin on sale so I finally acquiesced.  Right when I'm done with that, he calls me to tell me that he bent over or something and his incision ripped open and his pump pretty much fell out of his body. Like he could see the internal stitches used to secure the pump in place and everything.

Lovely.

So, to the hospital he did go and now he is scheduled for surgery tomorrow to take out the pump. They are going to leave the wound open and pack it, PICC line him with some Vanco, and put him on oral baclofen for the next two months.

Things I say to my SO that I bet you don't say to yours:

"Well, too bad, cuz I'm making BBQ pork sandwiches and now you're not going to get any since you went and let spare parts fall out of your body."

He is in a relatively good mood about it. Me? Not so much. I'm like thinking of how this will impact all of our next two to three months because of course it is going to be a big wonking thing that will mean a ton of things get put on hold or not done.

It will be okay, though. It is one of those things where it is as big of deal as you let yourself make it be. D and I usually try to keep things on the lower end of the Big Deal Spectrum. I doubt I'll get up there tomorrow for the surgery, but I'll probably take the kids up on Sunday. They like to go to the "hopisal." But they always ask me why they can't ride in the ambulance. (Done that. Don't plan on doing it again if we can avoid it, kids.)

Reason to Homeschool #635

Because I've had such trouble sleeping the last few months and have been really sick of the 24 hour kid duty, I have questioned my homeschooling resolve. At times it seemed like Kindergarten couldn't get here fast enough. I would daydream about shoving them out the door and having all those glorious, glorious hours to myself!!! My decision to homeschool has never been set in some kind of principled stone. It has always been what will be best for the kids, and me, and all of us as a family unit. If I were to be this tired and burnt out of kids by the time kindy came around, then it would be to nobodies advantage for me to homeschool them. I thought, maybe I will  put them in PS, and only if there are big problems will I take them out to homeschool them. Like, say, if the teachers start telling me they are ADHD and need to be put on twenty psychotropic drugs, then I will take them out.

And I still have not totally counted PS out. Again, it will be a decision I don't make until that time, and then it will be a decision that is re-evaluated from year-to-year. My district has rezoned AGAIN, and now the kids won't be going to the far away school that is impossible for me to get to, nor the two really close schools that I could easily walk to--but a school that is about two and 1/2 miles away. I can get to it with a small bit of public transportation effort. So, that is where that stands. They still might change it in the next two years.

But something happened the other day that reminded me of one of the many reasons I want to homeschool them. In the grand scheme of things, this is not that big of deal, but I just thought it was funny.

One of the things I don't like about PS and education in general right now is the narrowing of the definition of "normal" or "typical" or whatever you want to call it. It has been done entirely out of necessity. It is entirely a response to school overcrowding and high teacher:student ratios. The more kids in a class with a teacher, the more they need to fit a mold of typical. The teacher doesn't have time to individualize and adjust for differences. Thus, the only way to handle kids who don't fit into a very narrow range of normal is to push them off into special ed with labels like learning disabled, ADHD, behavior disorder, etc.

So kids now have 'sensory integration disorders' and 'auditory processing disorders' and they are 'bipolar' and whatnot. Now, as I've said before, I'm not saying that YOUR kid, the one with the auditory processing disorder or whatever? I'm not saying your kid really doesn't have auditory processing issues. What I am saying is, but is it really a disorder? Or is it one of the myriad of characteristics kids have in the normal spectrum of characteristics kids have? Ah! That word "spectrum." Used with autism and aspergers mostly, kids fall onto the Spectrum and are sometimes called spectrum-y.

OK. We ALL fall somewhere on the spectrum. But some experts have decided where the line is on the spectrum that qualifies you as normal vs. spectrum-y. The range of normal on the spectrum has been getting narrower and narrower. Now again, don't email me and tell me that your kid is on the spectrum and the wonderful special ed services he is getting have changed his life. If something is working for your kid, great. But does it have to be special ed? And does he have to be labeled with a disability to get those services? Or could we just incorporate these services into education for any and all kids who need them.

In my work as a sped teacher, I've always been amazed and amused by these hyper experts who will diagnose any kid with anything just so they can say they diagnosed them with something. Just so they can be an expert. I can't tell you how many times my mouth has dropped when a kid came in to be assessed with maybe a problem reading or whatever. And left with thirteen arbitrary diagnoses. Usually enough to put them on drugs or get them out of the regular classroom (aka overworked teacher's hair) long enough to give said teacher some relief. I mean, I've seen kids who probably need just some reading tutoring after school or a good, consistent behavior plan be diagnosed with so much crap that has been so obviously pulled out of the expert's ass. (Or pulled off some stupid assessment tool. Which is just something pulled out of the assessment tool creators ass. So its just once removed, but the same thing.)

So a strong motivator for me with homeschooling is that I don't want to deal with people with expertitis. (Not that homeschooling completely removes that threat, but it puts you more in control). I don't want my kids to be "disordered" into conforming to the narrow definition of typical. Or disordered out into the silliness that is most special ed programs. Now, I of all people have no problem with the label of 'disabled.' It is something I wear with pride. But disabled to me is about the community, not about the disorder. My kids are already indoctrinated into the community. If a legitimate issue comes along health wise that we have to deal with, then we will deal with it. But I'm not a fan of dumping my kid into the assembly line PS system where you either swim like the other kids or sink into the disorder/disability labeling soup that has been concocted by  the establishment.

Now, with that big build-up, this story is going to seem really silly, that this bothered me so much. But I just found it funny, that on the kids very first day of their very first class they have EVER taken (without me with them, at least), I got called back to the principal's office and got hit with a small dose of expertitis.

My plan in getting Aaron to stop destroying my house is to tire him out with something physical every morning. A plan that works really well when I can pull it off. I have signed the kids up for a couple of classes. One is this class at the gym that I go to called "Sporties for Shorties" where they take 3-5 year-olds to the gymnasium and just do little stuff like play basketball with the short baskets, or kick around a soccer ball or whatever. My father and I have been quite amused watching this class in the past. The kids are pretty funny in it. It is semi-structured. They have a circle time warm up period. They line up and run across the gym and back, they have little practice drills, and have some free time and then a cool down circle period.

The kids have previously taken a class in the gym called "little feet friday" where 2-5 year olds have a free for all in the gym. Aaron is fine, here. But it is too loud and unstructured for Naim. (It is VERY loud.) There also always seems to be very aggressive big kids in it, like 6-8 year olds who sneak in. So it is a rough room. The sporties class is quieter and more structured, and so I though Naim might do better with it. In little feet, he stands in the corner sucking his finger. Any improvement on that and I would be happy. Aaron is fine anywhere.

So, when I signed them up, I told the instructors that a) this would be their very first structured class ever; and b) they are behind on gross motor skills and will not be able to do everything the other kids do. Fine, they say. No problem. I told them that I just want them to have fun, run off some energy, improve their gross motor, and get used to following along in a class. Great, they say.

So they go to the class for the first day, and me, my dad, and my dad's cardiac nurse (he is in a cardiac rehab program at the gym) were all watching from a place where the kids couldn't see us. And it was hilarious. Aaron was happily running around. He did need to be herded a couple of times and he could not do the jumping jacks they did in the circle, but he did stand in the circle and watch with interest. He played with the balls, put them in the basket several times. Ran from line to line like the other kids with a bit of direction. Seemed perfectly happy with himself.

Naim came to the class about ten minutes late (a bathroom issue, I'm told). He came in when the class was in a bit of chaos. But he didn't have a meltdown. He mostly hung around either Aaron or one of the adults, and didn't do much. But I did see him put the ball into a basket once or twice and I did see him happily run around with someone holding his hand. He seemed reserved, cautious, but happy. They did as well as I could hope for and I was pleased all around. My dad thought they did really well. And even the nurse, who just met the kids that day, said they seemed to really enjoy it.

So I was surprised when I came to pick them up that I was called to go talk to one of the instructors. (There are three adults in this class, and about ten kids.) She told me, with the authority of someone with expertitis, that my kids "JUST WEREN'T INTERESTED" in the class. It was the way she said it, like the thing had been a total failure and they had no place there and I would be crazy to have them continue. And then she gave examples about how they didn't participate in circle time. (I had to remind her that they CAN'T DO jumping jacks, nor had they probably ever seen jumping jacks before or knew that terminology. That should not indicate non-interest.Perhaps they could work with them on that?) She went on and on about how they just didn't seem like they liked the class. And she seemed a bit taken aback when I said I (and my sighted reinforcements--always gotta have those to make my opinions count) had watched the whole class and had been pleased and thought they did quite well. I reminded her that they don't have experience in a structured class and can only improve there. I also reminded her that they can't jump, dribble a ball, or run with as much coordination as the other kids, that they JUST turned three and there is a big difference between three and five. And that they need time to get the system down.

I gave her one out. I said, I know they required a little extra help today. Is it a problem for you to have to take so much time with them? At this point, this is the only excuse I would have taken, even if I thought it was lame because the class had almost a 1:3 ratio. One teacher could have easily handled my kids plus one other, and if you are smart, what you do there is split my kids up and group them with a four or five year old. Not hard.

She said, no. Not at all. She seemed to be a bit insulted that I would suggest that they couldn't handle it. There was absolutely no problem at all with that. She just wanted to know what my 'expectations' were. Because she just worried that I might be let down.

WTF? Expectations? Lady, they are three. If they run around smiling and don't have a meltdown, I'm happy. Do I think they are going to learn how to play basketball? Um, no. Do I care? Not at all. I think what it came down to is that my kids are a bit of extra work, and she was too lazy to do it. To which I say, a) hey, I gave you and out there and you didn't take it; and b) if you are going to open the class to three year olds then you have to be willing to deal with three year old skills and three year old behavior.

What it comes down to, if she had been open and nice about her concerns, I probably wouldn't have cared. I probably might have thought that she was nice to be so concerned about them. But she pulled expertitis attitude with me. And I have enough experience as a teacher with expertitis that I'm not really intimidated by that. (It is sad how many times I've seen unsuspecting parents fold to the 'experts' demands.) Bottom line? The kids are still in the class. And hopefully, I was nice enough that she isn't going to go on an expertitis vendetta on them and start looking for failure in them. (A horrible side-effect of expertitis disease.) I think we ended up having a good conversation after a rocky start.

On Monday, they go to a tumbling class. And in this class I have arranged for them to be with the 18mo. to 2 yr. olds. So they will (for once) be the bigger and more advanced kids. If they do well, or if it seems too easy, I can move them up to the three to five class--no problem. I love nice, understanding, flexible teachers. Why is that so hard?

But, too also? The Aaron destruction machine has been on leave since we started the morning classes and activities, so yea! And we are doing Funshine Express "school" in the afternoon again (after I kind of blew it there for a few weeks) and they really enjoy "school time" and ask for it. So, I'm back on the homeschooling bandwagon again.

For now.

Morning People? They are Liars, All of Them.

I won't bore you with the latest updates on my crazy sleep situation except to say this:

All my life I have been told by my family how wonderful and useful and practical it is to be a morning person. My family extols the virtues of the Morning Person (cue angel music) as if by being a Morning Person (angel) you will have a better career, more money, more time in the day. You will be more efficient. You will be more ambitious. You will be smarter and have better sex. Or something. All my life I have watched my sister and dad jump out of bed each morning and make fun of me because I would sleep as long as humanly possible in the morning. And the ENTIRE reason I was not a morning person, according to them, was because I stayed up too late at night. But even when I did go to bed early and wake up early, which I could do if I had to, I still felt tired for a couple of hours in the morning. And this, according to my family, was such a slothy, shameful way to live.

I ended up taking Ambien for only four days. And then something weird happened. I became a morning person. Now, I'm not just saying that I switched my hours so that I went to bed earlier and woke up earlier, I'm saying that I became a true morning person. One who jumps out of bed with tons of energy at six am and who goes to bed within a half hour after the kids went and hit the bed snoring.

This is probably the first time in my life I have felt this morning person phenomenon. And guess what? It sucks. I don't know how people live this way. I don't get ANYTHING DONE.

It is nice to get up well before the kids and eat my breakfast in peace. But that's the only advantage I am seeing. What happens is, my morning time is limited by things out of my control. Once the kids wake up, my time is over. I have to stop whatever it is that I'm doing and deal with them. At night, I can finish up what I need to do and decide for myself when "my time" is over. The other problem is, I have chronic back pain issues, probably from being a blind chick that drags tons of stuff on my person while carrying a cane or dog and walking miles in lieu of throwing all my crap in my car and walking a few feet like normal people. That, and lifting and throwing around disabled people all my life, not to mention the thirty pound kids I've got right now. To go from six am to, say, 2:30 when the kids (sometimes) take a nap is living hell. I am in pain by 9 am. By one, I'm pushing myself to hold back tears and any chance I can, falling to the ground to rest my back. But I have a job right now (actually two jobs) where I am up and on my feet doing physical labor all day long. The rest periods just work better if I sleep late and stay up late.

But the main thing I hate about being a morning person is that, although I have lots of energy in the morning, I burn out by 5 or 6 pm. And I still have three to four hours of work to get through by that point. And it KILLS. I have never experienced burning out in the evening before the day is through. I'm cranky at the kids, I take shortcuts (ah, forget about brushing your teeth, kids. Just go to bed. And baths? Oh, forget it.) I can't get things done that need to be done at the end of the day after the kids go to bed. All I want to do is get myself to bed. And that push to get through things at night is a billion times worse than the push to wake up and get going in the morning.

In the morning, if you are a grumpy, groggy person like me, at least you know it will get better. You know that you can just start slow and work your way up and in an hour or so, you'll be fine. There is something to look forward to. Saving all the tired at night and having to push those last three or four hours? That is a living hell. There is no solution to it but to get the shit done as sloppily as you can and forget the rest. So many little things go by the wayside because I just don't have the night time energy to do them.

I always thought my family was such a bore because they came home from work, ate dinner and then plopped on the couch in front of the TV for 3 hours and did nothing every single night until bed time, promptly at ten o'clock. They were probably just exhausted. One thing I always remember about my mom is how tired she seemed all the time, especially after work. I don't want my kids to remember me as tired and crabby every night.

I'm sure this little morning person phase won't last. But it sure has been an eye-opener to see how the other half must live. The grass is not greener, and I want my quiet, get-things-done, chill-out nights back.

Our Pre-Preschool Year and Other Thoughts on Homeschooling

This summer I was busy with several projects, most of which are just about finished up successfully, and the kids and I kind of had a, well, a blah time. Not that it was so bad, but we spent too many days in the house doing nothing or watching TV while I tried to work and get things done in spite of them. There were a lot of days were their needs were all met and stuff, but we could have gotten more out of the day together.

One of the things I wanted to do in these preschool years is to "try on" homeschooling. And so I vowed that in September, the kids and I would get to it. We would, at a two and a half year old level, start "school." It took until about September 15th to get started, but we finally got things off the ground and it is going very well so far.

I am using a curriculum. This has been a bit of a source of controversy in my head. I have read lots of John Holt, and I think there is a whole lotta sense in the whole unschooling practices. And then I know me. This is more about me than the kids at this age. If I "unschooled" in the purest sense of the word, I would go absolutely cuckoo bananas insane. And, especially at this age when the kids day depends so much on how hard I work to make things happen, I'm afraid our days would run together into many more blah days of nothingness. I need a plan. At least some semblance of one. I need goals and schedules. I need expectations and at least a tiny bit of assessment. I need a curriculum. And I need this curriculum to balance out my need for some form of daily structure and accountability and the kids need to be flexible and spontaneous two-year-olds.

I have found this in "Funshine Express." I am really liking this program so far. It is intended for preschools and daycare centers to use with kids from ages 2-5. Each month, I get a kit with materials for three themes. It comes with lesson plans, materials for art projects, visual aids, and book lists. There is the (cringe) letter/number/color/shape of the week/month stuff which I thought I might not use, but turns out---the kids are really getting into the letter of the week stuff. They like these little phonic poems that go with each letter, they repeat them and want them read over and over again. It also has a list of library books for each unit, recipes for easy, fun little snacks, outdoor activities, calender and weather stuff, math games, etc. It is really easy to pick and choose what you want to do and most things can be adapted a bit since my kids are on the younger end of the age range. There are songs and a CD, finger plays, suggestions for 'field trip' activities, it is really quite well rounded. Very traditional preschool, but pretty all inclusive.

Cost depends on how many kids you purchase supplies for. You can pick any number from 2 kids on up in even number increments. So for our 2 kids, it is about $320 for the year (when ordered a year at a time and with an early-bird special coupon). When you consider that I would have to pay approximately $400 a month for the minimum 2 half-days of preschool a week for both kids ($4800 a year, gulp!), then $320 for a year of 5 days a week (or more) of activities, it isn't bad at all. It comes out to about $25 a day per kid for preschool vs .66 cents per day per kid with funshine express. Obviously with preschool you are also getting day care and you can go do other things, but when $25 a day is out of the question anyway, 66 cents is a good trade-off.

I know that there are wonderful, creative moms out there who can come up with exciting things to keep their kids busy everyday without a curriculum, but I'm not one of those moms. I can throw crayons and play-doh at them, but I would not think of making paper mache apples out of newspaper and a water/flour mixture. I can give them a snack of bananas and pretzels, but I would not think of having them make their own "porcupines" out of bananas, peanut butter, pretzel sticks and raisins. These are things that are not hard if someone tells you what to do, but hard to come up with on your own. The kids really get into this stuff.

Also, I have wanted to use the library with them more, but I have trouble actually picking out good books for them. I cannot see well enough to select particular books, and browsing is also difficult. I've asked the librarian for help, but they will maybe give me one or two suggestions. Now, I get a book list every month that I fax to the library. About a week later, I arrange to pick up the books they have selected for me by doing a teacher pull. This month, they picked out 26 really appropriate and on-theme books for me. I could have never done that. Aaron is in heaven. And so am I. Librarians Rock!

Our October Funshine Express Goings-On. The Bulletin board has the calendar, weather, number, shape and letter of the week. By the end of the month it gets all filled up. The stack of books on the right is this month's library haul. The Orange packets are project materials, we've already used some of these up. And the other stuff is various games, visual aids, etc. This isn't even all of what is included.

So, here is kinda what I do: They send the box of goodies about three weeks in advance. I spend sometime the month before prepping and cutting materials and getting an idea of what supplies I need and translating stuff I want into a form I can access. Probably a total of 3 or 4 hours or so advanced monthly prep work. (This would be much less for people who can see.) Then, each week, I look to see what supplies I need for the week. Nothing unusual here. Mostly stuff you have on hand like glue and construction paper, or groceries you would buy anyway. Then each day, I maybe spend 15 minutes deciding what to do and getting stuff ready for it. And then we have "school time."

School time can run anywhere from 15 minutes to 2 or so hours or all day with things spread throughout the day depending on what is going on and the kids' mood. It starts with calendar, weather, a review of the letter/number whatever, and a library book and usually a song or poem. They both really like this. I have to let Naim stand up and run around a bit during this time, but other than that, they both participate and look forward to it. Then what we do varies greatly. Usually there is an art project, or maybe cooking something, or a 'worksheet'. Yes, it does come with basic letter/number coloring worksheets. Naim usually doesn't stand for these, so there is nothing forced here. Aaron likes worksheets and likes for me to go hand-over-hand and trace the letters with him. Basically, after calendar, I pick about three or four activities for them to do and if they do them, great. If not, no big deal. Usually they will at least try everything and if they don't care for it, I don't force them to do it. In general, they like most of the activities so far. We usually try to go outside after that. Sometimes there are activities to do outside like collecting leaves or doing some kind of game. But if not, they just play at the playground or something. This is Oregon, and we are Oregonians, so we go out rain or shine. The weather is hardly ever life-threatening here.

I find that when you have a theme to work around, you can find fifty thousand ways to tie in everyday life into that theme. Where else can we find "B" words? When our theme was forest animals we went to the forest and saw the squirrel, etc. Without this 'backbone' of a curriculum, I'd probably rush through my day without stopping and noticing certain things that we can learn about in those teachable moments. The curriculum helps me catch those and slows me down.

I'm also doing a bit of record keeping and assessment. I am only doing this to get the feel for keeping homeschooling records, which to some extent is required by the state. (And also for my own 'defensive parenting' paranoia.) Funshine comes with a rather basic assessment tool based on head start guidelines, so we will use that probably two or three times this year. It works for our purposes. And then I just jot down a few notes about what they did each day, and I'm done.

"But what about SoocialiZAAAATion?" That is what everybody asks about homeschooling and it is about the least well-thought out question on the planet. Anyway, so I've also built socialization stuff into our days. We go to the gym two days a week. One day, I take one of them swimming with me while the other goes to childcare (where they do stuff with other kids and adults!). The other day, they start out with a thirty minute "gym" class before they go on to childcare. Two days a month, their healthy start teacher comes to see them and they do a lot of socialization role playing and the like. Once a week they are in the church nursery, and once a month they are with my covenant group's kids, and another day a month they are with a girl during my RE committee meetings. Twice a month they go to the children's museum where they take a class in either clay or painting, have story time, and then play in the exhibits. Once a month they hang out at the library. Two to three times a week they are at their dad's house in which they will interact with a myriad of nurses, grandfathers, friends, and UPS drivers or whoever shows up because that place always has a thousand people coming in and out of it. They play with other kids at the playground at least two or three times a week. And hell, I'll even count the couple times a month they spend in the Fred Meyer Playland while we shop for groceries. So, I think they are covered. At two, they probably have a better social life than their mother.

So far, "homeschooling," such that it is at two and a half, is really fun. It is a lot of work, but fun and I have still been able to earn a bit of money on the side (more on that soon). I have a loose idea of what kind of structure I will use as they get older. Of course my plans may all go to hell as what I need in a curriculum is superseded by what they need. Right now we have a good match, I think. But I can see how they will have more and more input into what and how they learn and that will evolve as we go along.

We may get more unschoolish, we may not. Or one kid may and the other may not. Aaron really likes traditional school, but Naim really likes structure, so who knows. I can see myself using a Montessori approach to teaching reading, or whatever works best. (Hey! I'll put the decades long reading debate to rest right here: Phonics vs. Whole language? You need both. DUH!!! Some kids do better with more emphasis on one approach than the other, but all kids need some of both. So, how we teach reading will depend on how they learn it, but it will be an incarnation of both phonics and context/language based activities.) Once the basics of reading are learned, switch to a world history/science framework (a la "The Well-Trained Mind"). Language is something I can easily see myself being able to teach via unschooling, because I know I can teach it on the fly and catch all those teachable moments. I actually can't wait to teach world history via those "Story of the world" books as a spine text. My own world history education was abysmal, as well as the utter and total failure that was my math education.

Math? Not so much. This is where a good match of teacher and student will be important. If my kids were left to me "unschooling" them about math, they'd never learn a thing because my life revolves around avoiding math at all costs. We need a curriculum for math for damned sure. This again will depend on their learning styles, but right now, I'm all excited about Math-U-See. I recently watched the 45-minute demo of Math-U-See and I about cried. I finally learned why in the holy hell jumped up fuck I spent 2+ years suffering immensely through factoring polynomials. Algebra finally made an iota of sense to me. Seriously, I was jumping up and down in my room screaming about how easy it was to understand. The other math possibility is D. D is a math guy. D could definitely unschool math, probably up to vector calculus if he just had enough time with the kids. So, he will definitely be a factor in math, but it is up in the air how much he will be able to do from day to day.

D is also a resource for music. D played violin and a few other instruments for years before his accident. He was all Suzuki-ized. I think we will start the kids on violin. D thinks he could teach them in the beginning with the help of this curriculum, and then if either really develops a propensity and love for it, we would see about getting them a professional teacher. (I'd also like to see them take piano, because it is so foundational as an instrument, but that would be a harder challenge to meet.)

For PE, we would probably do whatever sports they were interested in through parks and rec programs. Many of which incorporate the kids from our neighborhood school. Art is a bit harder because both D and I kinda suck at it. I could do basic elementary art, but there are also art summer camps and stuff if they wanted to go further.

Art and things like foreign language can also be done through the coop. As well as a whole bunch of other stuff like field trips, science stuff, drama, and even clubs like Lego robotics and an ASL club. The coop also provides for the mandatory state testing ( and even SAT prep down the road.) They can learn ASL from me and also through classes from the coop. I'd love for them to get as much Spanish as possible, because this is Oregon and you really do need it. I think I could get them through the early years of Spanish, perhaps with the help of Rosetta Stone or some such. Then there will be religious education through the church, which also has a really good sex ed program as well.

Now, of course, all of this may completely change as they start telling me what they want as far as school goes, but I am extremely fortunate to live in a setting where there are way more (mostly secular) homeschooling and community activities than any kid could ever do. The challenge will definitely be narrowing it down. There are budgetary considerations, but really, nothing in and of itself is that expensive. It will be a matter of prioritizing and scheduling. There are also huge homeschool curriculum books sales and swaps of used stuff for cheap around here. I can see getting by on a, say, $500 a year homeschooling budget, give or take. Much better than a $12K to $20K or more private school tuition.

Public school is still there as an option, but at this stage in my thinking it is like a back-up, back-up, back-up plan like if I had horrible money problems or health problems. Or if the kids just aren't happy with the way things are going at home. It is very important to me that I have public school as a back up (as well as for anyone else who needs it), so you will not be hearing me ditch public school and I will always support it. However, we are having such fun spending time learning together and through the experiences and connections we are making in the homeschooling world, this just really feels like we are on the right path.

ETA: This article just came across my desk. Another one for the homeschooling file for the doubters. Apparently (sigh), even kids with parents that have low educational backgrounds do better than kids in public school. I tell ya, it is all about the individualization of education. It isn't rocket science.

Bonus ETA: A pic of some lasagna strewn, lazy giggly people after dinner.

D tilted back in his chair with silly Naim and Aaron on his lap. They got so messy eating lasagna that I stripped them down. I'm standing on the stairs, if you are wondering about the weird angle.

Pandora's Box (Part 2, Where I suffer from chronic fade outs, tangents and digressions.)

As promised, I said I would write more about homeschooling; specifically about the myths and misconceptions. I have been kind of stalling because it seems like in order to do it right, I need to go the research route and find and link all of my sources in order for it to be legit. Obviously, it would be a better post this way, but it probably would never get done as it would take me forever and a day. I figure any post is better than no post, right? It all swims around in my mind now and I can't even remember the sources of some of the things that stick out. All of the stuff I have found out about homeschooling is completely google-able. (Sometimes I think encouraging people to go out and google themselves proves a bigger point. I'm not cherry-picking my facts here, I'm confident that your own googling will lead you easily to these conclusions.) If there is something I say that you are just burning to find out where it came from, let me know and I will do my best to track it down. Otherwise, these are just my thoughts about what I've learned in attempting to address my own concerns. For whatever its worth.

I'll will throw in that I just the other day found out that they are building a new elementary school just INCHES from the school right down the street that will be open in 2008. (I think this is because when the transportation authority bought up land for the light rail, a certain amount had to be given to the city for public use. Both schools are directly across from each other on the light rail line.) So, I don't know where the kids in my neighborhood will go, but I assume it will be one of those two schools, rather than the one that is miles away that I can't get to.  So that is interesting and I look forward to checking those options out later on. But, I digress.

Here are the misconceptions/concerns I had before researching homeschooling and what I found out.

Aren't homeschooling families religious freaks or societal dropouts?

I talked about this a lot in Part 1, so I'm not going to go into great detail about it again. As someone commented, this may have been more true 20 years ago than it is now. Homeschooling makes up around 3-4% of the school age population now. It is a lot more mainstream, and there are a lot more mainstream people doing it. I think this depends a lot on location. I know some of my UU homeschooling connections who live in the Midwest or deep south often complain about the lack of secular homeschoolers in their area. In Oregon, I would say the majority are secular homeschoolers who are on the liberal side, but not societal dropouts in the least. I would say that the largest growth in homeschooling comes from families with kids who are either labeled as having an academic or behavioral disability or  as gifted. Many times, the families with the LD/BD kids find that the "disability" all but goes away and that the gifted kids thrive. This doesn't surprise me one bit. I'll note here that legally, (in most or all states??) kids with IEPs are still entitled to special education services even if they are homeschooled, although they might have to go to the school to get these services. This sometimes takes a huge amount of advocacy on the parent's part, though, but what else is new in special ed. So often times they find other resources to get the kids the services they need. Schools may also be required to allow homeschooled students to participate in some classes (Music/Art/whatever) and extracurricular activities. They may also give the parents textbooks, scope and sequence curriculum guides, access to the school library, and other resources. I have heard that some districts are better than others about doing this and some districts make a big stink about it. But...digressing again. I have found most homeschooling families to be pretty average and mainstream by most accounts.

With compulsory attendance laws, isn't it illegal?

You can legally homeschool in all 50 states. Each state has different rules about accountability to the compulsory attendance laws. Some families are required to register themselves as a private school or to somehow affiliate themselves with a private school. There are schools out there that serve just this purpose. Some schools provide classes and lots of support, whereas others are really just a legal front. For example, Calvert School provides what is called a "School in a Box" with an entire curriculum and materials for each grade. Parents teach it, but students are registered as Calvert students and parents can receive support from Calvert teachers. I am very interested in a local Homeschooling co-op that provides classes, field trips, clubs, and if desired--private school enrollment with ongoing educational support. This is probably where my kids will attend preschool. There is a main teacher for the preschool, but parents must volunteer as helpers, snack and craft activity providers. Fees are extremely reasonable and the classes are held in a church educational building (although the co-op is not affiliated with it or any other religion, they just rent.)

Some states require simply notification that you will be homeschooling. Other states require an attendance record and an overview of what you will be teaching each year. Some require once a year portfolio assessments with a district teacher. In Oregon, you are required to notify the district in writing just once by the time the kid is 7. Then you are required to have your kid sit for a professionally administered standardized test at your expense in years 5, 8, and 10. My co-op provides this administration in a group once a year for a small fee, which really cuts the costs of having to hire someone yourself. My understanding is that if your kid does poorly on the test, you have to meet with the district and set up a plan for improvement. Then you have a year to improve and retest. If problems remain, the district may petition to have your kid attend public school.

How can homeschool kids get into college?

I think this was more of a problem years ago than it is now. Many universities (and I'm talking the big guys...Harvard, Yale, Brown) are actively recruiting homeschoolers now due to their successful track record. You do have to give them something in regards to test scores, transcripts and resume/portfolio work. There are many books and classes that help homeschooling families of high school students accurately develop a transcript. Many times, high school homeschoolers have already taken classes in community colleges and thus have a proven track record of being able to handle college level work. Also, many homeschoolers have a larger amount of impressive volunteer, internships, travel or paid work experiences that make them desirable candidates for universities. Universities are developing real flexibility as far as what the transcript looks like, and are even allowing portfolio reviews/interviews for homeschoolers because they are now sought after students in a lot of university environments.

How do homeschoolers do compared to PS kids and private school kids?

There have been a lot of studies, and the best way for me to tell you about them is just to have you google homeschool vs. public school. Here is a quick one minute search excerpt:

... "According to a report published by the Educational Resources Information Center (ERIC) and funded by the Office of Educational Research and Improvement, U.S. Department of Education, homeschool student achievement test scores were exceptionally high. The median scores for every subtest at every grade were well above those of public and Catholic/private-school students. On average, homeschool students in grades one to four performed one grade level above their age-level public/private school peers on achievement tests. Students who had been homeschooled their entire academic life had higher scholastic achievement test scores than students who had also attended other educational programs."

One interesting facet of the study noted that academic achievement was equally high regardless of whether the student was enrolled in a full-service curriculum, or whether the parent had a state-issued teaching certificate.

The study states, "Even with a conservative analysis of the data, the achievement levels of the homeschool students in the study were exceptional. Within each grade level and each skill area, the median scores for homeschool students fell between the 70th and 80th percentile of students nationwide and between the 60th and 70th percentile of Catholic/Private school students. For younger students, this is a one year lead. By the time homeschool students are in 8th grade, they are four years ahead of their public/private school counterparts."

But what about socialization?

This was/is a huge issue for me. Both because my public school social experience was horrid and for some years was abusive, but also because I had been around blind or otherwise disabled kids who were segregated in special schools and their social skills were often horrid. Furthermore, I knew one girl who was homeschooled in college and although she was very nice, she had a lot of trouble assimilating to the whole college lecture environment. She actually thought that professors were interested in ha