Naim often gets out the "BIG BOOK" which is a photo album with pictures from my pregnancy to about their first year, and he wants me to "read" it to them. So, I "read" it sort of like a story. Here it is just mama and daddy and the cats. We wanted to have a baby, but we needed help. So Sergei, your genetic father, helped us have a baby. And then mama's tummy got bigger and bigger with the baby growing inside. And then we found out their were TWO! babies! Who do you think those two babies were? "Aaron and Nyman!" they say, and it goes on from there.
I always add Sergei in to the story briefly, just to get it into their vernacular, knowing that someday when they were ready, they would ask more about it. That day was yesterday. After we went along showing pictures of mama and daddy and babies for several minutes, Aaron asked, "Where is Sara Gay?"
"What?" I leaned closer to hear.
"Where did Sara Gay go?"
Oh! Sergei! So we talked about how we don't have any pictures of Sergei because we never met him. He lives far away. Then I showed them the picture I have of him when he was probably about 2 1/2 years old (but that now he is a grown-up man). They both thought that he looked like Naim (he does), and a bit like Aaron, too. So then we talked a bit about how some things about them came from Sergei, like Naim's blond hair and blue eyes. And maybe Aaron's cheeks. And we touched very lightly on how to make a baby it takes a sperm and an egg, and that we didn't have any sperm of our own so Sergei gave us some of his. So, it was all "why, why why?" until they were satisfied and lost interest. I think it went well for a first acknowledgment from them of Sergei's existence. I'm sure there will be much more to come.
Okay, so I need to get a handle on the next few months, cuz lately I've been kind of brain dead and I'm losing track.
First of all, D is having surgery to replace the medtronic pump (yea!) on June 17th. That is my main focus right now. There is a lot of stuff that needs to be done from now until then. We are going to try to de-MRSA the place, including ourselves again. So we are all going to go back on the Bactriban antibiotic. We are also all going to take hibiclens showers for five days prior to the surgery. (From what I can tell that is just about using the kind of soap that surgeons use to scrub-in with.) And then we are doing lots and lots of cleaning. We are throwing out old pillows, bleaching anything that can be fit in the washing machine, and steam cleaning everything else. We are literally going to take a steamer and with some kind of anti-MRSA solution, steam the walls, the blinds, the everything. But we have a surgery date. Best case scenario is that surgery date plus one week or so and this will be over. (Now don't jinx me for saying that, Oh Higher Spirit! I mean, c'mon!)
Next up is a Family Retreat thing I'm going to that is sponsored by the UUs. It is over 4th of July Weekend and it will be me and the kids. The good news is that we get the ADA suite in the Lodge of this sort of parky-wilderness retreat, so no heavy duty camping for me. I don't have camping gear anyway. D is not coming with us, but may be able to come up for a day. The place is only about 1/2 hour away from us. My hope is that this won't be a lot of stress and work and instead will be a bit of a break for me. I've come to figure out that I am just so So SO burnt out on care giving. Nik being here and me practically crying with relief like a crazy woman when he would make the kids PB&J kind of clued me in that I was in a bad way. That and my complete and utter slump of any sort of motivation to do one thing for anyone else after he left, yet still having to force myself to care give in a daze of ambivalence was another clue. I am SO SICK of sickness. It makes me sick just thinking about it. And to realize that I really have done nothing but caregiving for the last 6 years. D, kids with cancer, my mother, D, my kids, D and did I mention D? For the past 3 years since the kids, it has been really relentless. D has had major health problems for basically the equivalent of two years of the last three. It's not his fault and I have to keep going, but I am going to try to figure out how to take some breaks. Like a weekend every three months or something. This retreat is a little bit of a test, to see if just getting into a different scenario with the kids in tow will do it, or if I need to figure out how to get rid of the kids. What I really want is to have a weekend, or maybe just a day every three months or so, when I can sleep as long as I want and not even get out of bed if I don't want to and read all day or watch movies or talk on the phone or something like that. I think if I could break up the caregiving into little 3 month chunks like that, I could handle it a lot better.
Another thing Nik made me think about is how much I miss just hanging out with adult friends. I do this regularly, but all of our respective kids are always with us. Which is also okay and fun sometimes, but I'm going to try to get a babysitter more regularly and hang out with adult humans. This teenager came to my door the other day for some kind of fundraiser, and she lives in my neighborhood. So I was talking to her about babysitting, which would be cool because the problem I've been having is that I can't pick these girls up and drive them home. This girl can walk home, she is literally around the block. My friend J is in and out of the country, but I think he is going to be here for the month of June, so maybe I can try her and go do something with him.
Okay, so then in July is the kids' half birthday party. Which by popular demand is going to be on July 12th it looks like. I think I am going to do it picnic style in a park down the street. So that should be fun and low key. If you have ideas for outdoor games/activities for the two to five year old crowd, let me know.
I have put off going to Kansas until September. It kind of got really complicated and messed up so it was easier to just go home with my dad when he leaves for the summer. My goal between now and then is to get that kid of mine POTTY TRAINED! Naim is all good. As long as I remember to remind him, he never has an accident. Aaron...oh....I just don't want to talk about it. That kid DOES NOT CARE about potty training. Take his diaper away and let him run around naked and he is perfectly content to pee wherever he happens to be sitting and then continue to sit in it. He doesn't care if his diaper is wet or dirty. He just doesn't care. Sigh.
Is that all? I think I'm missing something for August, but I can't think of it now. Anyway, off to do hazmat duty at D's house.