First Walk in Snow/Dressing Twins

Where I live, it snows about one or two days a year, if even at all. Coming from the Midwest, I grew up with harsh winters. I remember sliding to the school bus and riding in it for an hour to get 2 miles as we slowly inched down the street. To get a snow day in Nebraska, the snow would have to have been piled so high that the doors to the school were blocked by at least 20 feet of it. And then we had to walk uphill both ways to dig ourselves through it anyway, without mittens, and having had no porridge to eat because the cupboards were bare.

We laugh at them here because when there is a bit of snow, the whole city shuts down. I understand it, because people do not own snow shovels or ice scrapers or even snow boots. The city does not have a team of snowplows that scrape and salt, they have like maybe one. But it is still funny even though I had been here for almost ten years now.

Where I used to work, I walked 16 blocks each way to a bus stop every day. One day, the first year I lived here, there was just a spattering of snow on the ground, and everyone started leaving. I wasn't even aware that people were leaving for a few hours because I hadn't even thought of it. Then, the last few people came to me and asked me if I would mind staying and locking up because they needed to get their cars home and out of the snow and I didn't drive. (Yeah, I only have to WALK 16 BLOCKS in it!!!) But whatever, I said it was fine. I should have checked before I left, but I honestly didn't think about the whole city shutting down for this. There wasn't even more than 2 or 3 inches of accumulation and there were some ice patches, but not that bad. I walked my 16 blocks and waited, and waited, and waited. Then I realized that the bus wasn't coming. The streets were deserted. I ducked into a liquor store and called a cab. No deal. They weren't coming to get me. I ended up walking another 2 1/2 miles home. And although it wasn't all that enjoyable, it wasn't like I was dying and freezing, either. I have found from going back and forth from the west coast to the midwest that people develop a tolerance for weather based on their climate. I have noticed that I have lost some of my tolerance for the cold that I had when I first moved here. When I go back to Kansas now, the minute I step out of the plane in the winter, even when I'm in that tunnel-y thing, I'm all "Jesus and all that is Holy in the Universe! How the hell do people live like this? Fuck! This is inhumane to expect me to deplane to these conditions! Why not just flush the toilet while I'm in the shower repeatedly instead? ..." and a continuous trail of profanities that last till I get home. I've become such a weather wimp. And I'm still not as bad as most of the people here.

One controversial thing that I do is that I expose my kids to the elements. (I mean controversial in that "Let's dump on moms" way that is all the rage now, not in the "ethical dilemma of our times" way.) No, I don't throw them out into the cold naked or anything. I do nothing that would endanger their lives and health. I try to keep them as comfortable as possible with hats, coats, rain gear, and sometimes lap blankets for the strollers. But we go out. In the cold and rain. And we walk and wait for buses and trains. No matter what. Because that is our life. There are times when I know that they are uncomfortable because I am as well. And if it gets too bad, I try to hurry, make a run for it, or duck inside a building for a bit. But these kids are the children of a pedestrian public transit user, and a quadriplegic that takes a hell of a long time to get into the car. They need to build up a tolerance for weather. They need to build up the skills to plan for weather, walk in it and plan the best transportation options, know the minimum that they need to carry to not be caught in it, what to do if it does actually become dangerous when they are out in it, things like that. Being a pedestrian and taking public transit requires a different set of skills than just passively jumping in the car with mom and dad. I imagine that they will be drivers when they get older, but for the next 16 years, they will be pedestrians. And that means they deal with weather. And as much as some would like to think that a good mom doesn't expose her kid to even a second of cold discomfort, in my mind, I need to help them learn to deal with it. And besides, this is the pacific northwest. It rarely ever gets below freezing here, so chances are slim that I will kill them via exposure.

It seems weird to me that my kids are going to grow up here, in this land without seasons. We have a rainy season and a dry season. That's it. Of course, we have access to snow year round in the mountains. And we have the ocean and lots of green all year round, which I never had. But my kids probably won't own a sled, or a snow suit, or snow boots, or even a winter coat. Most people here purchase a really good raincoat with gor-tex that is a bit big, and then just layer fleece sweatshirts or vests under it on colder days.

If it ever snowed the kids' first winter, I don't remember. I wouldn't have taken them out in it anyway. Last Winter, It snowed one day. My dad and I wrapped the kids up in blankets and took them out in it for a few minutes. They couldn't walk yet so there was no putting them down. And they didn't have warm enough clothes to stay out long anyway. It was a real pretty snowfall, and I remember the kids reaching out their hands to catch snowflakes, and Aaron even stuck out his tongue. I doubt they remember this at all. They know what snow is, as a vocabulary word at least, because of TV and books. But they don't know it like they know rain. They GET rain.  But today, I think it all came together for them in their first walk in the snow. They were mesmerized. They were a bit afraid to touch it at first. But they liked to walk around in it and see their footprints. They liked it when we would take a snowball and throw it up in the air and they liked to shake it off the plants. (Another weird Oregon thing is that some plants are still green with leaves on them and the grass is still green. It's weird to see nice, healthy green grass under the snow.)

So, today the whole city shut down. My dad went all the way to the gym to find it closed. No mail, even. And we spent some time with the kids and their first walk in the snow. It might be there for a day or two, then our traditional Winter will be over and they will have to wait till next year.

***************

I'm going to answer a quick question here that has nothing to do with snow. I've been asked about my feelings on the dressing twins alike thing. And in general, I think it is better to not dress your twins alike. Certainly not when they are old enough to pick out their own clothes. I think it is the individuality thing. They get categorized as "TWINS" enough by people and mixed up enough. You may have noticed that I rarely ever refer to my kids as "twins." Because people take that as if they are a set of something, rather than two individuals who just happened to share the same gestation period. They are going to have unique twin things that they share, and that is fine as long as it is on their terms. But in general, I don't think it is a good idea to dress them alike.

Now, having said that, If you look at my pictures you will notice that I am a big hypocrite. I do dress my kids very similarly most of the time. And sometimes exactly alike. Most of the time they are in different colors of the same outfit. In the next year or most certainly when they are three, they should be starting to choose their own clothing and dress themselves. And when that happens, all like dressing is off, unless they choose to do it themselves. But for now, I have my reasons for dressing them similarly.

• People give me doubles of everything as gifts or donations all the time. Every clothing gift for the boys I've ever gotten has been two matching outfits. No exceptions. Also, I received a lot of donated clothing from a mom of twins who dressed her boys alike. It's what I have. I have pairs of everything.
• But, I will admit to buying pairs of clothing myself. Mostly because I think shopping for boys clothing in the discount stores that I shop in is a huge bore. When I find something I like in the kids size, it is just easier to grab two of them. I do try to get different colors though. I don't think I've ever bought anything for them that was exactly alike.
• Stores sometimes have twin discounts on items where if you get 2 of the same things, they will take 10% off or something. The Gor-tex coats they are wearing above are a twin discounted purchase. (Ask about it at places like Baby Depot and Toys R Us).
• I know that I could have two of everything and just dress them differently each day, but this is a management issue. I have, I kid you not, shitloads of laundry that I do between the usual stuff and kids clothes and cloth diapers. It is easiest for me, for a number of reasons, to fold things up and put them away in matching sets of two outfits. This way, in the morning when we are rushing to get us all out the door, I can just grab two outfits that are all ready to go with socks, shoes, etc. It is easier to do this when things match.
• Also, along with this, because I can't see well, it is easier to manage different outfits when there is less variety. And to just grab a stack of shirts and pants that go together in the morning rather than trying to see or feel what matches what.
• On some occasions, I need assistance with supervising my kids. Like in the gymboree classes we used to take. If one of my kids ended up across the room, I could just grab another mom and ask her where the kid that is dressed like this one is. When they are babies, it helps for people to know that they both go with me. Dressing them alike helps with this. Also, it helps ME see them by color when I can't see them well. I don't have to remember what they are wearing as much.
• Okay, it is kind of cute. But, really, I can stop any time I want to.

Truthfully, I don't have a big hang-up about it. When they are ready to take over the dressing, they can choose what they want (within reason) and matching each other certainly won't be a requirement.

Comments

[That Girl]

Yes, we get to laugh at D.C. and New Hampshire gets to laugh at us (here in NJ). We dont shut down for anything less than 2 feet but if the schools havnt used any snow days they'll jump at a March frosting to close the schools for a day.
NH laughs at us - 2 feet is a frosting to them.
And fresh air is very healthy for kids. Related but seperate: if anyone calls you a bad mom send me their address and we will have a little chat, Jersey style. I have AquaNet and an attitude and Im not afraid to use them.
The most bizarre twin problem I have ever seen was my friends identical twins who were from an early age labeled "the pretty one" and "the smart one" which caused no end of problems for both of them. So same-ing can sometimes be a good thing.

[shannon]

Ditto DC--when non-accumulating flurries happen, school opens late at the very least and maybe closes. That was nice when I worked in a DC public school!

Here's another twin question which, for me, is really just a sibling question as I plan for another kid:

Your boys just pretty much share one of everything (besides clothes, I mean--like toys), right? Or do they? How much do kids need to feel ownership of something versus how much I need for my small space not to get more cluttered with kid stuff than it already is? Not to mention the expense.

When I was a kid, I had my own everything, but I had my own room, so there it all was--and my brother had his. But we are going to put two kids, less than 3 years apart in one room. Can they just share everything, or will they need to have half each what Nat has now, in order to keep the overall volume of stuff where it is now?

[snickollet]

I remember growing up in Oregon and getting a snow day if there was more than 1/4" on the ground. Now that I live in Boston, I get a good laugh out of that.

It was 10 degrees yesterday morning, but clear and gorgeous here. I bundled my twins up and took them outside. I wondered if people would think I was a) crazy, b) a bad mother, or c) both, but I agree that fresh air is good. And as you point out, in your transportation situation, that's your life.

We are given a lot of pink/blue girl/boy twin outfits, so I hear you on the dressing thing. And I'm 100% with you that once they can pick their own clothes, they'll chose and will likely not choose the matching stuff.