I go to Costco (Costco=Sam's if you're from the heartland) about once a month to buy diapers, wipes, laundry detergent, and hearing aid batteries. This is all I buy there, because it is a scary, scary place that wants my money. So I purchase my things, and then I wait...for D...who has to look at every.........single..........item....f-f-f-four times. I usually wait sitting in the food area where I have a view of the tsunami of people filing in line behind Checkpoint Charlie with their purchases. Have you ever watched this? It is fascinating to see what and HOW MUCH! shit people buy. I feel all ashamed to be an American. This must be the image that al Quada uses to recruit members by showing off our American materialism. You'd think that we'd have won the war now if shopping was really the best weapon, as W claims.
They've been building a brand-new football field sized Quonset about two inches from my home, and lo and behold, its gonna be a Costco.
So now if one more person says to me, "Aren't you lucky to have a Costco so close to you? You'll be able to walk there."
First of all, I do not think I'll be walking to Costco everyday to get my four big gigantic boxes of diapers, my five gallon keg of laundry detergent, and my forty hearing aid batteries that Costco has locked up like they're Sudafed for the meth lab. Because you know why? That stuff is BIG. The point of going to Costco is to get a lot of stuff, not very often for a cheap price. Exactly how am I going to carry my four boxes and my keg whilst pushing the double BUS of a stroller that holds my little varmints? Think, people.
Secondly, I'm afraid. I don't want that element in my neighborhood. Consumers. Eew. They have all that money. They are nothing but trouble makers with their boxes of cornflakes that have more square footage than my house and their SUV's that bought specifically so they could haul stuff. And since they aren't construction workers with a real need to haul anything, they have to fill up their cargo space with BULK chicken mcnuggets. All those suburban white folks, gathering and plotting against me by piling up their cars so full of stuff-made-in-china that it will block their side view mirrors when they turn right on red. Poor little pedestrians like me will squished by the weight of all the trade deficit causing products in the global warming causing SUVs. I'll just be collateral damage, a sad casualty in the war against terr-uh.